Somewhere Only We Know

This Could Be the End of Everything

A/N: 

First off, trigger warning for suicide. This isn't going to follow Jesy up until the point she does it, but it does follow Perrie in the time after Jesy takes her own life. I'm surprised that I'm even posting this right now because I find it hard to write anything that has to do with Jesy committing, but now that I've finally seemed to be able to write something like this, even if it's short, I thought that I would share it and see what happens. It seriously isn't that long and I try to lengthen parts, but I struggled to do that without pulling the focus away from Perrie and her thoughts. 

So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy and always feel free to comment!

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"Jes, please," Perrie choked out as tears blurred her vision, her hands holding Jesy's head against her chest. "No. Please. Stay with me. I can't live without you. I can't do it. Please, Jessica."

It was like a ton of bricks had been dropped on Perrie, but despite her desperate pleas, Jesy's eyes were already beginning to dim. The blonde was too focused on her girlfriend to get help, and screaming for it wasn't an option. She knew her words would be a whisper, caught in the fumes of death spilling from Jesy every passing second. The part of her that wanted to run and find someone to help was instantly shoved away when she thought about the scenario that Jesy wouldn't be with her when she got back.

That the brunette would be gone and Perrie wouldn't be able to say goodbye.

Jesy's words brought her back to reality. They grounded her for the split second that Perrie could feel her attention settle on the older woman so she could listen. "Yes, you can. You deserve better than me, Pezza. You deserve so much more than me and more than I can give you. I-"

"No." The Geordie was quick to cut her off, Perrie squeezing Jesy's hand tightly as if it would somehow stop her demise and make her alright. "I don't deserve better because there's no one better than you. I could search for the rest of eternity and never find anyone like you. Anyone that could even come close to you. You are so special. You're gorgeous. Funny. Brilliant. Caring. Goofy. You're mine, Jesminda, and I would never change that. Not for anything. I love you so much. I can't-" Perrie choked on her words, a small sob leaving her lips.

"It's almost over," Jesy paused, a sad smile crossing her lips as she watched Perrie cry quietly. "Move on from me. I know you can. You're strong. Stronger than me. We wouldn't be here if I was as strong as you."

A tear slipped down the brunette's cheek, Perrie watching as the last of the flames went out in Jesy's eyes, her words a soft murmur that seemed to echo in the Geordie's ears and attach themselves to every part of her brain, engraving themselves into her mind for the rest of her life and beyond. "Thank you for making me happy and loving me when you didn't have to. I love you, Pezza."

And then, before Perrie could even open her mouth, Jesy's eyes had fluttered closed, her hand slackening in the younger woman's.

The realization of what happened slapped her in the face so harshly that she wanted to scream.

So, she did.

She let out a gut-wrenching scream that Perrie didn't even hear herself release because she was numb. Her body was still, and she felt no air being forced into her lungs. It was an overwhelming pain that burned every part of her body, inside and out, raging through her chest and pouring out through her eyes in the form of tears.

Perrie didn't even know that Jade and Leigh-Anne had rushed into the room in a panic, the blonde burying her face in Jesy's hair and holding her like she was still alive. Like this was a terrible prank and Jesy would wake up.

Oh, how she wished it was.

She wouldn't even be mad. Maybe later she would, but not now. Not at this moment.

The loss and hurt that she felt could be compared to nothing. It had no rival. It had no equal. It was just there, and it was destroying her slowly, crushing her heart until it was shattered into pieces, maybe even nonexistent.

The younger of the two Geordies opened her eyes just enough to see Leigh stumbling forward before dropping to the ground beside Perrie, Jade blankly staring at Jesy's body.

"Jessica." Perrie shook her, a small amount of hope running through the blonde that Jesy would wake up as tears tracked down her cheeks. "Jesy. Please wake up."

Leigh-Anne covered her mouth and screwed her eyes shut before gently pulling Perrie against her, the blonde clinging to her immediately and sobbing into her chest. Her cries were uncontrollable, Leigh pushing her nose against Perrie's hair and trying to breathe normally, but finding that she was being too overcome by emotions to stop the wails that soon made their way past her lips.

Claude appeared in the doorway after a minute, Jade not even glancing at him before feeling her legs make her walk into the room, the brunette kneeling on the ground seconds later. She couldn't remember permitting herself to do this, but her body wasn't quite in her control, so she let it happen.

Jade let her hands drift to Jesy's cheeks and pull her head, a small whimper sounding from her lips when Jesy didn't react. Sobs bubbled up in her throat before she got up and punched the nearest wall, Claude darting into the room and grabbing her.

She kicked and thrashed like a feral animal that was trying to be tamed, a series of screams bouncing off the walls of the room. They made Claude cry harder, Jade finally relaxing in his grip and turning to hug him tightly.

He didn't even try to stop himself from crying, as he knew that it was pointless. Claude was allowed to feel pain, and no one would stop him. No one could.

Horror ran through his body and trapped him in a cage when he thought about how this would not only affect the girls but Jesy's family and other friends as well. The fans. The millions of fans who looked up to her and the others who had stopped themselves from taking their own lives because they saw that Jesy had gotten through it and come out the other side.

Over time, realization slowly hit everyone.

They had lost Jesy, and this time, there was no saving her.

There was no coming back from this. She didn't escape the icy hands of death. She let them take her, and pull her until she snapped.

Jesy let herself go, and some began to fear that Perrie would be next.

The brunette was her world, and she didn't know how to live without her. She couldn't even begin to think about it.

The idea of existing without Jesy was rejected. It was roughly put into a box that she hoped to never unlock.

Perrie didn't know how she would continue, but somehow, she knew that she would.

Somehow, she knew that people would be there to guide her.

Somehow, she knew that Jesy would be there to guide her.