Somewhere Only We Know

Perrie decided to text Leigh-Anne and Jade later that night. This was of course after her much-needed crying session over Jesy that was long overdue.

She hadn't allowed herself to feel the real sorrow of losing someone. Of losing Jesy.

She had simply just shut it away and placed it on a shelf so she could reach for it when she wanted to. Sometimes she cried but would stop herself after a few minutes.

The woman didn't want to come to terms with any of it, but then she saw Jesy's video to her, and she slowly began to feel that it was okay to cry.

That it was okay to feel these emotions.

Her sadness and pain were normal things that people felt, and deep down, Perrie knew this.

Even if she didn't want to believe it, Jesy had said herself that she was allowed to feel mad, so she could add being fucking pissed off to her list of the emotions that she felt daily.

Sleep came easier than usual to her that night, but Perrie didn't take a minute to think why. If she had, she would've more than likely concluded that hearing Jesy speak to her brought her a form of comfort that no one else, not even Jade or Leigh, could bring. They both knew this, and it didn't hurt their feelings.

They understood that what Perrie felt was not the same as what they felt. The two of them felt the loss of a friend. A close friend.

But Perrie felt the loss of a friend, a lover, a soulmate some might say.

All of her feelings were being mashed together until she couldn't distinguish which aspect of the mourning process she was going through. It didn't matter in the present, but Perrie definitely knew that she wasn't anywhere near the end. She wouldn't be for a very long time.

When the blonde woke the next morning, she stretched instantly, her hand running over an empty spot on the bed.

It was cold. It felt weird. Out of place.

It felt like someone was supposed to be there, but they weren't.

This was correct, and Perrie was sure of this, so she looked over at the empty spot and inhaled deeply. She took a minute to slow her breathing before forcing herself to get up as she grabbed her phone and checked for messages, two notifications catching her eye.

One was from Kamille, the other from Claude.

Perrie recalled the fact that she had barely spoken to them since Jesy passed. To be honest, she had spoken to no one except for Leigh-Anne and Jade, but she should've tried getting in contact with Kamille and Claude. She felt bad and silently cursed herself for not even asking how they felt.

Then she began to think that there was a chance that they would understand. She didn't think they were mad at her. They could possibly just be scared that Perrie had shut everyone out. It was a common reaction.

Fear, that is.

Perrie blew out a heavy breath before going into the bathroom and then completing her morning routine. The Geordie put her hair in a ponytail, Perrie already having taken a shower the night before.

Her eyes were red, a small frown appearing on her lips at the sight. She couldn't stand that her eyes were red. They showed that she had been crying, and the last thing she needed was to go out in public with red eyes. Seeing that in itself would reveal too much, and she wasn't ready to share.

She didn't think she would ever be truly ready to share.

A quiet sigh left her lips before she looked down, the feeling of fur rubbing up against her ankles, making her smile softly. Hatchi gazed up at her, Perrie picking him up and kissing him softly on the head. He licked her nose in return, the blonde giggling.