The Art of Loving a Beast (La Fortuna Series #4)

Kabanata 6

Kabanata 6

Slut

They say hate is a word with too much gravity. 

Kaya naman kahit kailan, hindi ko ginamit ang salitang 'yan upang ipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko para kanino. After my conversation with Zadkiel Valtierra, however, I decided I would settle with a watered down version of that word. 

I decided I disliked him, kahit pa kung pakikinggan ang tibok ng puso ko'y malabong iyon nga ang totoo.

He was just... weird. 

Ano nga ulit ang sabi niya? Kaya niyang gamitin at magsinungaling kahit kanino para sa pansariling kapakanan. Kaya niya ring maging intimate sa isang babae kahit wala siyang nararamdaman para rito. He even emphasized how he only sleeps with experienced women. 

I didn't know what his deal was, but those definitely weren't the words of a person trying to make a good impression. Most importantly, weird iyon kasi, karamihan sa mga lalaki, pinapahalagahan ang pagiging inosente ng isang babae, lalo na sa pisikal na aspeto. But he did not value a woman's purity the way most guys did. He wanted to sleep with... sluts. He wanted experienced women because only they could satisfy him.

Somehow, that idea made me feel a little insecure. I didn't know I would reach a point where I would be rejected because I refused to sleep with just anyone. Hindi ko rin alam kung saan ko hinugot ang tapang upang hamunin si Zadkiel ng gano'n. I mean, hindi naman ako conservative, pero hindi rin ako basta-bastang nagbibigay ng halik! 

I guess I could just pretend I did not say any of those words. He broke his promise to me, so it was only fair for me to back out of my own challenge to him. Pakialam ko ba kung ayaw niya sa akin? I had my family, studies, and friends to keep me from boredom and to love me for who I was. 

Right. I should just forget about any of our conversations and stay away from him. He was too vulgar and intense for me, anyway.

"Celia, dear," my mother's voice disturbed me from my reading.

Inangat ko aking tingin sa kanya. I had been reviewing for our Chem 33 long quiz since 1 PM today. Whole week na akong busy. Aside sa madami kaming dapat ipasa sa school, pinili ko ring maging busy para hindi na isipin pa ang huli naming pag-uusap ni Zadkiel.

"Mommy," I responded with a weak smile. Sumasakit na ang ulo at mga mata ko dahil kanina pa ako rito.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping already?"

"Malapit naman na akong matapos, My. One final run-through with my flashcards and I'm done."

Tumaas ang isa niyang kilay. She stayed outside my door, wearing her silky nightgown. My mom was meticulous about her sleep schedule. She always slept before 9 PM and woke up at exactly 5 AM. Sa tingin ko nga ay nagising siya kaya siya nandito ngayon at nangangamusta.

"You've been too busy lately. Baka mapano ka ulit dahil sa kakapuyat mo."

"Babawi naman po ako ng tulog this weekend," pampalubag-loob ko.

"This weekend? Have you forgotten about your Tito Lorenzo and Tita Sylvie's party this Saturday night? Kakauwi lang nila galing Europe, hija... Don't tell me you're going to skip it?" Now she looked so bothered. Nakakunot-noo at puno ng concern ang mukha.

Napakurap-kurap ako at saka hilaw na ngumisi. I totally forgot about it! Ni hindi rin ako nakabili ng damit na susuotin para roon!

Mommy frowned at me. "You forgot about it, didn't you? May damit ka na bang susuotin? Celia naman... We can't spoonfeed you everything."

"Dadaan na lang po kami ni Manong Fred sa boutique after class para makabili ng ready-to-wear na damit."

She nodded, although she still seemed displeased with me forgetting about the party. "Just make sure it looks classy, hija. You know your Tito and Tita's circle, puro mga alta."