never not | markhyuck

seven ♣

   "he kissed us, donghyuck. not just me but jeno too. he was disgusting, and he was... he was gay."

   donghyuck rolled over in bed, removing the pillow from under his head and covering his ears with it instead.

   regardless of his actions, jaemin's voice continued to ring in his head, over and over again. he could still hear the quiver of disgust in his voice. as if the whole event hadn't been surprising enough, jaemin told him who it was.

   "huang renjun."

   the sharpness in his voice, the eyes of betrayal, hurt, and anger—

   "make it stop," he whimpered.

   "make what stop?"

   time froze and donghyuck was brought back to reality. he removed the pillow and sat up in bed. a few moments later he heard the same voice again. "make what stop, donghyuck?" mark repeated, voice showing concern. donghyuck mumbled a quiet, "nothing, just a bad dream," hoping that he wasn't too obvious. "unless you have night terrors, that didn't seem like 'just a bad dream'. you've been restless all night, what's up?" mark spoke softly. "i'm fine," donghyuck forced out. a silence settled between them, giving donghyuck a chance to calm down by following the breathing sounds of his other roommates.

   he thought about his current situation and how yet again, mark was awake in the night. "are you an insomniac?" he asked, voice so fragile that mark thought it might break.

   the canadian chuckled, unable to speak about the real reason of why he was awake. "something like that," he responded vaguely. "but what about you? was it really just a bad dream?" donghyuck wasn't ready to share about his situation so he decided to use the same trick, "something like that."

   "touché."

   donghyuck couldn't ignore the grin on his face while he readjusted his pillow and sunk back into the bed comforter. 

   "you're aware that i know that you aren't okay, right?"

   "yep."

   "and you have no intention on telling me what happened either?"

   "nope."

   mark chuckled, "you're a funny person, donghyuck." the sun kissed male smiled before returning to the darker thoughts. "can this funny person ask you a serious question, mark?" "ask away," the older replied.

   donghyuck took a deep breath before speaking, "what do you think of gay people?" the pause between them was long, but it only felt longer to donghyuck as he was waiting anxiously for mark's answer. "i think someone's sexuality doesn't define them, and that anyone should be able to love whoever they want to without being judged or receiving discrimination," mark said.

   "and what would you do if you found out that one of your friends were gay and had feelings for you?" the younger asked. once again, a pause. "i would support them but respectfully turn them down, i guess," mark said, clearly concentrating hard. "it's a little hard to imagine without being in that setting, if you know what i mean."

   donghyuck nodded before realizing that mark couldn't see him. "yeah, i know what you mean." "is there a reason you asked me those questions?" mark asked. donghyuck thought about jaemin, jeno, and renjun. he thought about how jeno and jaemin weren't friendly with him in the slightest whenever they saw him, and how heartbroken renjun must've felt. it definitely took a lot of courage to come out to his friends like that. knowing the aftermath, donghyuck decided that if he were to ever become gay, he would try to stay in the closet for as long as possible.