Vent rant lol
Trigger warning ig
"He needed more than me. I'm friendly and thoughtful and quite awfully ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y, but he needed more than me.. "
- tears over beers by modern baseball
I'm useless. He doesn't need me. I'm insignificant in his life and i only weigh him down. I can't provide what he wants because im anxious and scared of screwing up. I'm a buzz-kill and i can't automatically laugh at their mental heath jokes because i take everything too seriously. Im so focused on making sure everyone and everything is okay that i forget how to take a joke. I get jealous when they talk about other people, not because I'm not okay with them being with others but instead because I'm not with him. I'm so stupid. How could i be so selfish?? I want to make them happy but i also want to maintain my school and social life as well. I always seek reassurance and am incredibly annoying in doing so. I get anxious and gaslight myself into thinking that everyone hates me. That I'm better off dead. Maybe i am? Idk at this point. Im nearly a month clean of SH but the urge to relapse gets stronger by the day. One day im going to cut myself until i bleed out and die. And nobody will notice. Nobody will care. Most of my friends have moved on to the next chapter of their life and dont need me anymore. The only reason im sticking around is for the one person that i love. Cringe, i know. But honestly if im gonna die, why not be a little cringe. What's it gonna hurt? Not like my social status will affect my possible afterlife. Right? Oh well. I'll stick around for a bit longer, maybe. Lets just see how life plays out. Maybe I'll make it to my 15th birthday?
YOU ARE READING
Update Book lol
RandomRandom shit that i feel like i wanna put online but dont want to put it on any sort of social media. (or maybe i do and just wanna do both ;n;) Inspired/stolen idea from Yumi_lasagna1
