Switching to brothers

Chapter 41: The sleepover

Why?

Why can't I just be happy? Why can't they just disappear out of my mind? Why can't they just leave me alone? Why couldn't my mother die in a different way? Why couldn't my mother just walk five more steps?

We'll never know the answer because she's dead, and she's not coming back. Except, she is coming back. She's coming back in my dreams.

This one was by far the most soul crushing. I had came inside from playing one day, and she was kitchen 'making' lunch. I asked her what was she making but when she turned around, all I could see were hollow areas where her eyes had been.

"M-mom? Mommy what's wrong?" Little Lidia asked.

She snarled. "You, you little piece of shit!"

And my mom, the one who is supposed to love me the most, threw the knife she was using to chop carrots at me.

In my nightmare I had screamed. A high pitched one too. Can you guess what I did in real life? I screamed. Well more like a loud whimper. Thank the Lord Almighty that I didn't forget to turn on my white noise machine.

The awful thing about my nightmare was that it was before Carl. Had she always hated me? Was I forever destined to be alone?

I shook my head. No, I'm not alone. I have Sasha and Audrey and my brothers and all of our family friends. I have a lot of people that love me. I don't need the love or attention of two people that only brought pain onto me.

Wow, I'm so mature.

It was Friday, the day of the sleepover. I was excited but also nervous. I haven't slept in the same room with a different person before. Well I did that time I had a nightmare, but that doesn't count. I was scared then, this is voluntary.

When I moved here, school had become virtually my main focus. When I was living with Carl it was my safe space for obvious reasons, but here, I don't want to go to school. It actually brings me dread waking up in the early hours, pretending to be asleep then getting up and doing my makeup then trying to get in the car before Jesse so he couldn't drive off with me hanging out the door.

But back then I would wake up so early that a rooster wouldn't approve. I made him breakfast, hurried out the door and sit and read for an hour two blocks away from the school until it was a reasonable time to arrive there.

I know I said earlier he wasn't a bad guy, but I think that was just impulse. To just lie so I don't get in trouble. Now that I think about it, I haven't lied in a long time. I don't know if that's good or not.

I feel like a con artist sometimes. The person that my family, friends, hell even the kids who bully me, is fake. I am fake. My whole personality is a lie. I'm not happy, I do actually like shrimp scampi. What will happen when they find out? They'll discover that 'Lids' or 'Chica' or 'Curly' is a fake. There is no Lids, Chica, or Curly.

I know! I'll just run away! Wait- what will I tell Audrey? I'll just take her with me. Although I doubt my brothers will let me get very far. They are at the top of the mafia. Which still bugs me sometimes since why do they feel like they have to hide it? I won't tell, I'm great at keeping secrets. I know what you're thinking 'Lidia, you're keeping a big secret too', and yeah, yeah I am but I have a reason.

Whenever I say it out loud it reminds me of all the pain, the torment, the agony. It feels like I'm reliving it again. All it does to them is make them worry for about five seconds. So you see, my reason is a much more better one than theirs.

We pulled into the school parking lot and got out. Thankfully I didn't trip and stain my white jeans again. "You ready for your sleepover?" Jesse asked while walking through the morning dew to the entrance.