Victim :- Leo, Perpetrator :- Gemini
Key words: [Economic abuse] [Emotional and psychological abuse] [Following, harassing and monitoring] [Exposing children] [Damaging property] [Risk] [Women] [People with children] [People from CALD backgrounds]
Leo and Gemini met overseas through their work. Leo was born overseas, with English as her second language; and Gemini is an Australian citizen. They married and had their two children overseas. From Leo’s perspective they were together for approximately fifteen years, however Leo says that Gemini is likely to believe that they are still together.
Leo now lives in Australia with the children who are in high school. Leo arrived in Australia on a spousal visa and is now on a bridging visa, awaiting the issue of a spousal visa. Early in the relationship Leo stopped working to enable Gemini to pursue his career, which then required significant relocations to other countries so he could upgrade his qualifications; and has always involved Gemini travelling regularly and being away from home for lengthy periods.
Gemini’s controlling and obsessive behaviours were apparent to Leo from the outset. He repeatedly pressured her to go out with him; and despite her telling him that she needed time following the end of a previous serious relationship, he persisted. Gemini would regularly send Leo gifts and deposit money into her account. She told him she did not want these inducements and he must stop. Undeterred, and knowing how important Leo’s faith and traditions are to her and her family, Gemini announced to Leo that he had converted to her religion. Leo was shocked by Gemini’s preoccupation with her, and urged him to back off. He told her he would kill himself if she didn’t marry him and sat in the cemetery for hours brooding.
Leo felt worn down by Gemini’s fanatical efforts to win her over and yet was impressed by his religious conversion. Eventually she felt obliged to marry him, and hoped that over time she may grow to love him.
Leo committed to helping Gemini advance in his career and to raising their two children, however their relationship was constantly fraught. Starting with their wedding, Gemini insisted on organising their shared life as he wanted it, and demanded Leo’s support for his obsession with extreme sports training and competitions. Events and holidays were meticulously planned without consultation with Leo. She and the children were expected to comply and if Leo expressed an objection she was bullied and intimidated, and on one occasion Gemini strangled her in front of his friend who was staying in their home.
Gemini controlled the couple’s finances and required Leo to account for her spending and produce receipts. Gemini would then be away from the family for weeks at a time, with no contact, and Leo was left to parent alone. It was during these extended breaks that Leo felt she must tell Gemini that she was unable to continue in the relationship and that it was best they divorce. Whenever she tried to raise the issue with Gemini, he became angry and morose, and would lock himself in a room threatening to kill himself and accusing Leo of bringing harm to the family. On two separate occasions, Gemini wielded a knife at Leo, again threatening to kill himself. Leo was terrified of what he may do, including harming her and the children.
The first time, acting on the advice of Gemini’s family, Leo rang the local domestic violence support service, and they arranged accommodation for her and the children until Leo knew Gemini had left the country. The second time, they relocated to a friend’s house.
After living in various overseas locations for a number of years, Leo decided that it was in the children’s best interests to settle in Australia. They have been here for a few years, and in Leo’s mind, the relationship with Gemini is over, though she believes that he does not want it to formally end so as to avoid any adverse financial consequences to himself. Gemini stalked Leo and the children whenever he returned to Australia. She has told him not to come near the house, but he now harasses Leo’s family by telephone. They jointly own two house properties, in Australia and overseas.
Leo knows that if she were to apply for a protection order or to seek property orders in the Family Court, Gemini would be enraged and she could not predict what he might do. She fears he would become uncontrollable and be arrested. Gemini currently pays for the children’s education and living expenses; she would rather defer addressing her own legal issues than risk losing his financial support, though she remains fearful of him. Leo does what she can to encourage the children’s relationship with Gemini despite his minimal genuine interest or involvement in their lives. Leo is aware that for as long as these matters are unresolved, she and the children will continue to experience Gemini’s obsessive control over them.
