i really need it to be a love story

003 - A burden I will always carry.

He is always going to be a burden I have to cary with me. He was the first person I was ever intimate with in that way, he was my first for almost everything, and it wasn't good. I'm reluctant to say it traumatized me, not because I don't think that's what happened but it just feels wrong. I finally understand them, the people and women who have experienced things like this. My situation was no where near as bad as them, but it still affected me so deeply. He will always be in my soul, in my body, on my skin. I can learn to be okay with it, to coexist with him in a way that no longer hurts me. Someday it will happen and someday I will. be able to move on.