i really need it to be a love story

004 - I am Vanessa Wye, he is Strane.

I saw his new videos, I heard his voice, and I just felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to throw up, to scream, to hit him where it hurts. I don't want to say he ******* me, but in a way it almost feels like what Strane did to Vanessa. Projecting his distorted realities onto me and blaming me for it in the end. I connect to her so deeply, that's why I'm so obsessed with that book. It's my Lolita, he was my Strane. Remembering the things he would say to me the way Vanessa would remember Strane's words, realizing how deeply hurtful they were and how it affected me. i want her to be real, I want to talk to her. We view it the same way. Of course it wasn't abuse, we said yes, they made sure we were okay with it, we were broken when it ended because we wanted them to stay. It feels like she's the only person that really gets it. And I can't talk to her, she's not real. I'm sure someone out there in the world is like her but where do we find each other.? I will always have this book, I will cling to it, it will become my basis. It will become my peace.