BUTTERFLIES, DAISIES AND PAPER RINGS • PANMARLILY

CHAPTER 4

I have decided that it is very unfair how pretty girls are. I had looked into sexualities after Narcissa told me about them and I've realised I'm omnisexual. It isn't just girls but because there's an overwhelming amount of pretty girls here I have been focusing on my attraction to them.

Regulus did end up becoming friends with his dorm mates, Evan and Barty. I also befriended a second year green girl, her name is Dorcas and she is wonderful. We are all one big family now. Barty tried to assign us roles but I don't think he did it very well.

He said that I would be the crazy aunt that gave everyone stolen weed -yes, I have already stolen some weed but I wasn't gonna offer it to them before I kept some for myself. Dorcas would be the Mama because she is the oldest out of us and we are like a little flock of cats that follow her everywhere like she is a goddess - she certainly looks the part. Evan is the Papa because he 'gives off old man vibes' as Barty phrased it, he'd also said that Dorcas and Evan had divorced ages ago. Regulus was the 'emo teen that's also a major nerd' and to be perfectly honest, I could see Regulus as being some version of that. Barty had decided that he was the fun sibling that got drunk on weekdays and high on weekends.

I personally believe that we didn't have to be labelled but we were definitely some kind of disfunction family.

Reggie and I observe people on the daily, it's become a routine. It's mostly the Gryffindors and Slytherins but we observe others as well.

Regulus likes to watch his family, to try and predict their next moves and what they will do and how he can protect themselves from them using their weaknesses against them. He also likes to observe potential allies and people his family surrounds themselves with. He makes everything strategical.

I don't do that. I like to observe pretty people. There's a gorgeous boy in Hufflepuff who helps everyone with their homework. There's a Ravenclaw boy that's so loud you can hear him a hallway away. There's a beautiful Slytherin girl whose called Zahara Zabini and just so happens to be friends with Narcissa. But the ones that have caught my eye the most are the Gryffindor girls.

There's two girls in particular that interest me. Lily Evans and Mary McDonald.

Lily Evans has bright red hair and eyes that shine brighter than emeralds. She's close friends with Remus but doesn't approve of the company he keeps -the Marauders- she also likes to be the best in every class. I think it might have something to do with her home life. Or maybe it's because she's a muggleborn and wants to prove people wrong. She has very strong opinions and fights for what she believes is right. She's Jewish too but I don't really know what that means. And she loves to wear skirts and dresses of bright colours.

Mary McDonald has curly brown hair and chocolate eyes. She surrounds herself with girls and doesn't much fancy talking to boys but she's become incredibly close with Peter. Mary has average scores in class but she would rather be out with her friends than in a class so she didn't really mind. Mary's also a muggleborn and she's black which means twice the judgement. She protects her friends like a warrior, a lioness, a queen. I know that soon her hair will be covered up by a hijab and I know that she doesn't like the fact that she doesn't have a choice. Mary likes to wear short skirts, cropped tops and oversized leather jackets.

The two of them are absolutely gorgeous and I am oddly fixated on them.

I didn't notice why until a while back.

It was when Reggie and I were in the library. He was reading his poetry and I was trying to find someone to sketch. So I could paint them later. I liked to paint things that show normalcy if it's not abstract. I've probably done 20 sketches and 5 paintings of Regulus, a little less for my other friends.

That's when I saw them.

Mary and Lily were sitting together on a table not too far away, Lily was studying with her hair up in a bun, her wand stuck through it, and Mary was making random origami.

That was normalcy.

I began sketching.

The tip of a nose, the curve of lips, the river of hair, the impossibly smooth skin. Regulus peeked over my shoulder and his eyes widened.

He looked at me, "Panda. You draw them like they are Goddesses. It's beautiful."

That's when I start to look closer. It's true I do draw them like Goddesses.

But why them and not anyone else? Why not Narcissa? Or Sybil? Or Dorcas? Why not people I'm actually close with?

That's when it clicks.

Who do you hold above friends? Above family? Your lovers.

I was in love with Mary McDonald and Lily Evans.