ALL THAT WAS LEFT BEHIND

Confusion Really Hurts

Doug flickered his brilliant blue eyes over my face, locking them on mine for a split second before sheepishly looking away. He grunted a greeting, and awkwardly bent over to his feet to untie his shoes. Doug was a rather large man, and had a white receiving hair line, revealing a tanned, sun kissed head. However, he had quite the impressive looking beard. His gruff appearance looked a little out of place in Claire’s perfected and organized home.

            “Hey, love. How was your day?” Claire casually questioned from the back of the kitchen.

            A slight roar erupted from through his vocal chords, and I realised that he was clearing his throat before he spoke. “Alright. Yours?” His voice was like a rumbling thundercloud, elegantly rolling through the sky in a soothing, yet rough fashion.

            Claire looked up at him from the counter with a smile that lit up her delicate, winkled face like a radiant snippet of sunshine. “Good, dear. Could you set the table for us?”

            He tossed his mud coated boots out the front door, which let in a gust of chilly air to circulate around the room. I shivered in the kitchen chair.

            I cautiously rose from the chair, and moved to the opposite side of the table, suddenly aware that I had no idea where any of the utensils were, or any appliances, or any of the stories, laughs and memories passed in that very room. I was completely oblivious to the newly unfolded world set before me.

            “Um, Cl- grandma? Where do you keep all the cutlery and stuff?” I uncertainly asked.

            “Here,” Doug gruffly answered from behind me, his low voice rumbled into my ears.

            I whipped around; where Doug slid open the drawer, revealing a set of neatly arranged, shining cutlery. He smiled, and gave me a nod before breaking his gaze. In that brief moment of interaction, I wandered into his bright eyes, and wondered exactly what made him, him.

            “I got it tonight, you just sit down,” he told me.

            I nodded, rubbing the side of my face, and stammered a word of gratitude, then sat back down into my seat where I could watch the procedure of supper being prepared.

            And then I became detached, and utterly lost, frozen as I trembled in the unknown, like a tiny glowing candle, vulnerable to the wind. I couldn’t release the forever building tension. Hours of journeying away from the bitter sweet memories only seemed to bring them closer.

            Supper occurred; a nice hot bowl of chilly, as according to Claire, it would warm a soul on a cold day. It was beautiful, and greatly satisfying. The table was implausible, although incredibly simple, with a new yellow table cloth and an autumn ornament. My grandparents were absolutely everything one could wish for; caring and immediately accepting.

            Yet my thoughts couldn’t restrain from wandering further down that awful path into the weary mist, where one could completely loose themselves. I felt myself slipping through there, slowly, and my mind becoming more and more detached.

            I looked up from the table for a moment, only to catch Claire’s wink. I smiled at her, and continued on inside.

“Okay, you’ll have to be careful on these stairs. I personally think they’re too steep, but Doug says they’re fine. I don’t trust them though. Just be careful with them,” Claire explained as she led me up the stairs. “This was your father’s room when he was a boy, but Doug and I redecorated it for you as soon as we knew you were coming.”