Ashes to Ashes (Newt, Maze Runner)

4: Blame

The Gathering that was held only consisted of boredom and questions. Questions, may I add, that accused and demanded answers of me. All I could wish for was to tune out of this; why did they seem to blame me? But of course, they had been here for over two years, and yet I was the first one with an answer. Obviously they would feel a tinge of jealousy, as if I had surpassed them.

That was how it always seemed to be with me... Being the center of attention. Or at least, that's how people treated me.

"What do you mean 'The Maze is a Code'? I've ran this every day for the past-"

"Yeah, I know," I cut Minho off, unwilling to hear his tale of woe.

"So what the shuck are you talking about?"

I closed my eyes in frustration, allowing my swimming thoughts and anger take over me for at least a second. Never in my memory had I been given the luxury of rest. Not even when we thought we had it, for all it was then was a lie. A scam. Cruel and heartless... But that comes for later.

"I don't know," I finally said. Even with blackness of my eyelids replacing my vision, I felt the tension and frustration with me arise at my refusal to respond. In truth, my reasons for this childish behaviour is quite hidden. Perhaps I didn't want the boys to act like a leader of me, or I was just showing how things would work with me, for no one had the right to blame me for what was no fault of my own.

"Fine. Just let me speak." My annoyance at them, and them at me finally reached its breaking point, and however stubborn I was (and am), I finally gave them what they wanted.

"The phrase just repeated itself over and over again in my mind when I was sleeping. Like someone put it there. I don't know what it means or why they chose me, but they did. Happy?"

"Then what the bloody hell do we do with it?" Newt said. Apparently they weren't happy with what I gave them. But they shouldn't worry; the feeling was mutual. I wasn't happy with what they were giving me.

Though my footsteps were light and my hands swung slightly as I walked, the glaring gazes of the Gladers made me feel as if I had stormed out of there.

~~~~~

The woods in the Glade welcomed me- unlike the rest of the place, the people particularly. The dark glow and hating atmosphere that seemed to orbit just above the drooping tips of the trees reminded me of, well, myself. It was a complementing feeling, one I hadn't had before. Feeling like I really belonged. A feeling no one else had gave me.

The darkness of the wet leaves enclosed me as I walked in. My eyes caught to a spider web, a silvery bug, a gravestone. And the darkness felt like a blanket, enclosing around me, gripping my shaking body in sick desire. Perhaps I did not belong there.

How long I sat on the soaking soil, my aching back against the hard trunk, I wouldn't know. I was lost in a daze of fear and anger that boiled inside me. Who wouldn't be, trapped in a cage of lost pasts and unknown, or non-existent futures?

I awoke to the sound of my name: "Lois?"

My eyes blinked open suddenly; there wasn't a boy watching me sleep... No one would be that disgusting.

Newt's dark brown eyes looked at me with a glint of hope, and my body relaxed. I didn't even realize I was tensed.

"We're finding out the Code, piece by piece. Tommy's got some bloody art project going. I'm guessing you don't want to join."

It wasn't a question, nor a mean statement; just a fact of observation. I smiled unintentionally; Newt was growing on me.

"I think we could finally leave this place. Some Gladers might not like you, but you've helped a lot," he said, smiling victoriously now.

"And are you one of those Gladers?"

It was a joke, and Newt knew that. But when he didn't even stop that wide smirk or gleeful shake of the head... I think we both felt something significant enlighten.