7 things I learnt in high school

3/8:21:03

The First Lesson - To Want To Be In His Shoes Is To Kiss Him

I first met this girl at a party of sorts. Joshua’s doing - it was well organised and safe.
He was popular. I was not. She was beautiful.
I was not. The grass was green, and it smelled alive.

The music playing was some house garbage, reverberating off the hay bales and the tractor and the plough. It sounded alien.
The smoke in the air was so thick it blocked out the setting sun, and it smelled horrible. It was ashamedly marvellous.
I leant against the fence, in a space where the barbed wire parted to allow for a sheltered place to watch.

I wasn’t really a talker. Not to random people in the hallways. Not to a bunch of drunkards in a field.
I just liked to observe without taking in the detail, to fade into the background. I wished I could be a talker.
There were enough people and dancing and conversations and kissing that nobody would notice me sitting by myself. That was fine. I was not.

Joshua waved at me from the other side of the fence. He pointed. I grinned and shook my head.
He understood. He raised his eyebrows, and jerked his head to the crowd amassing by the bales.
Even through all the smoke and the drink and the encroaching dark, I could see her face. Thirty-three degrees to the right from the centre.
I don't know why I decided that I liked this girl. I just sort of looked at her and thought, I'd like that one please.
I pick that one. She isn't even really my type, not that I have one anyway.
I didn't even know her name at that point or had so much as spoken a single word to her. But she was kind, even from a distance I could imagine the kindness in her eyes.
I would later come to call her Eve. I wanted to dance with her. I couldn't dance but I didn't care.
I started walking away from the fence and towards the hay bales without much clear purpose. Illogical strides. Towards the group of bodies emanating sweat and hormones.
Green grass that lived and yellow hay bales that died. Crickets in the undergrowth chirping a love song.
A slow dance starts to wind up. Groups of two and two. She was by herself.
Now I had gotten closer, I could clearly see her long red hair, her gold earrings.
She was the only one without companionship. I focused on her, a metaphorical dream girl that had gotten too real too quickly.
YOU LIED AND
Crap. He had gotten there before me to dance with her. I rubbed my fingers against the rough bit of my belt in frustration.
His hair was unwashed and fell to his shoulders in snake-like strands. He was thin as a rake and his stupid school tie was done up perfectly. He swore more than anyone I’d ever smelled and dragged his shoes more than anybody I’d ever seen. I hated him immediately.
The worst part was how Eve looked at him, like he was the most beautiful thing in the world. It drove a compass needle into my heart.

I didn’t know her but I’d already made up my mind about whose fault this heart-stabbing was. This place was of Joshua’s design. It was Joshua’s fault.
Joshua. Always making everyone laugh. Always making plans in the short term.
Always the talker. Thinking about him made me taste sweet rotten fruit in the back of my throat. He needed to be punished.

School was a mix between a dumping ground and a congregation of pompous arseholes. After this night it would be a homeless shelter, with all the students wandering around hungover and shuffling to class without purpose.
I swore to swear, to tie my tie, to scrape my shoes.
Green fire. Envy is a thought-provoking emotion. Envy strengthens the bones.