It's horrible. I can't go back but I don't have a choice. Everything hurts ; my leg my brain, I'm so upset and stressed even my stomach hurts. I'm going back to work in 6 days. I can't sleep again. I've started dreaming about work again. I'm so pissed. I'm so tired. Why do I have to be always tired?
I heard a trusted co-worker was insulting me. Saying I was manipulative and to not go against me because I've been in the office often lately. Yea. To get insulted by my bosses and say I'm not good enough for this job. And that they can't trust me. They talked for 30 minutes. I cried for 40. Telling me I do too much, and when I slow down they tell me I do too little. They wonder why I'm so stressed because they haven't been putting pressure on me. Yea right. I can't sleep I can't dream. I dont eat I don't rest.
The second I think about self harm it's all over. Too emotional, too much to deal with. Cut. Before I know it I'm in too deep. The thought so vivid that I can't push it down anymore. I remember the shimmer on the blade in the dimly lit room. The sharp pain for a few second before crimson blood. The only reason I'm not doing it now is because I'm too lazy to get the fuck out of bed and my leg hurts too much.
This. This is my SOS. Too long after my wake up call. It hurts, it burns, it bleeds; into emptiness.
Im not sure I'm thinking straight anymore. Don't have any alcohol to numb the pain. Not that I would get off the bed to actually drink it.
Jan 31 2023
YOU ARE READING
I can't carry this anymore
RandomLetters from me to me going deeper and deeper into depression. Mentions of selfharm and maybe suicide later on. If you're hurting and don't want to feel alone, this might be for you. I just want to get it out a little. Cover not mine
