Letters That I'll Never Send

Date - 15/08/2021

Dear Storm,

I've always wondered on whats the purpose of love when it had nothing but pain and separation to offer a person.. I would look at people around me and see the heartbreak that they've endured all because of love.. I would see families fall apart because of love. And that scared me. It scared me to the point that I felt like every time I loved someone they would leave me. Or every time I attached myself to them.. I'd be abandoned.
And that hurt... a lot.
I used to say those 3 words, albeit they might be deemed as small because people around me used to throw it around so flippantly... but then I stopped saying it. Its like a piece of me was hidden away when I stopping saying those words and stopped meaning them.

I never thought the day thati would say those words would be aimed towards anyone or anything. I never thought I'd actually mean them either.. but thats also because I never thought I'd actually get to feel love and to be in love.

Realizing that I love you... so much. Was a turnpoint in my life and my heart.
It was like I finally had a soul.
I could finally live.

I didnt have to be let down or feel like I was being let down.
Because the reassurance of you showing me your protectiveness or your possessiveness was a love I never felt.
It made me feel whole.
Some might think it toxic but I never had that type of furious and fierce like love. It was and still is an invigorating feeling.

Reading this 'letter' of yours.. put a lot of things into perspective for me...

I knew right away when we started our relationship that I wanted to be with you forever.

But reading this.. made everything better.
It was like I was reading a chapter straight from the book that is your heart. And it made me smile more than you can imagine. It made me feel more and more love for you.. and its not impossible to love someone more and more each day.. Especially you.

But reading this made me realize that every time I say you're my everything.. I really mean it. Because without you... I'd literally have nothing.
You came into my life like a storm lol... and took me by surprise.
I never met someone so similar yet so different before.. and I enjoyed our talks.
It was spectacular.

So... as my everything... I want to be with you without a shadow of doubt...
I want to wake up next to you after long hours of talking or movie nights or something epic.
I want to eat breakfast together in our kitchen in our home.
I want to go places together and travel and sight see the wonders of the earth and compare them to you all while knowing nothing compares to you.
I want to eat lunches and have coffees whilst I admire your cuteness.
I want to watch the stars or evens the sunsets & sunrises.
I want to experience it all with you.

Because as my everything loving you made life a better place for me.

I always said I needed a lighthouse...
And well I have one now.
Not because you're tall but because your light guided me out and away from this dark shadows that constantly creep up on me.

You take away the pain of the depression.. and its like I can actually breathe.
Without having to feel like I'm always suffocating like I'm always going to hurt myself.
But thinking of you or talking to you just brightens it all up.

Oh and 1 last thing.. when I said I want to be wherever you are.. I meant it. Because home is where the heart is.. and mine is with you. I guess its always been with you. I just never realized it until I finally felt that I loved and love you infinitesimally.

Love,
Heiress

P.S: Your duckie wife❤️