Dear Uhmar....
Date - 02/03/24
Dear Uhmar,
I had so much to say to you that day but I couldn't put any of my thoughts into words to write or speak to you. In fact I find it so hard that after all this time I still can't come clean to you about how I feel but in all honesty.. I half don't want to and the other half just doesn't matter. Because no matter what I feel.. the time for us.. has long since passed.
Ill be honest here because this is the only place I can speak my thoughts towards you...for you. I used to think that I felt as deeply for you as I would have liked in fact I felt as though I might've loved you and maybe I did. But right now I think I'm more of holding onto you because you're normal for me. Because I'm comfortable with you. Because you're familiar to me. And I can mistakenly say that it's called love but I know that you know that we both can say thats not love.
Thats just me holding out for something that will never and could never, ever happen. Because I'm sure that your feelings have faded whilst mine only confuses me more and more everyday.
Its not healthy. That much I can say.
In fact holding on like this hurts more and more and isn't doing anything for me to be honest but constantly make me wonder if I like the pain im causing to myself.
At the end of the day.. I can't say it was you that ruined me.. maybe you had a helping hand but not entirely. I more so ruined myself when I constantly picked you over my own self. And that in itself was beyond toxic.
I've always said that love wasn't for me. And I think I'm right. I thrive best when I don't have anyone around me. But its one of the most loneliest feelings that I've ever felt. And not a day goes by where I wonder where I went wrong. But I'm still grateful that I could be a friend to you.
Floating in an abyss,
A.
YOU ARE READING
Letters That I'll Never Send
PoetryA series of letters that could never be sent to each and every person that have held a special place in one's heart.
