It's Okay to Hold My Hand Too

Chapter 24

Yohan- a-are you o-okay?

Ishu- no *I want to shut down my brain for now*

Yohan- what? [got worried and was about to check for wounds but Ishu pulled Yohan in for a KISS]

Ishu- [but after a few seconds she pushed Yohan back gently] wait!

Yohan- what's wrong?

Ishu- my actions....I think this is it, I have reached my limits [Yohan looked puzzled] I can't keep lying to you anymore... I- [took a deep breath] am not a guy.....[closed her eyes but opened to see Yohan's reaction as there was no response] please say something

Yohan- [bursts into loud laughter] oh my, are you nervous [wiping tears of laughter from his eyes] that was so random

Ishu- Yohan, I am not joking [serious]

Yohan- but—

Ishu- have you ever seen me shirtless? Or taking bath together with our group?

Yohan- [awkwardly laughs] huh— what are you even saying [his expressions change drastically after realization hits him] wait [takes a step back] that should not be real....you are joking right??

Ishu- I have tried earlier many times to tell you the truth but sometimes I couldn't and the rest of the time I did not want to because I was afraid, I would lose you and we will never be the same again, do you remember the sauna incident in the changing room I was about to tell you something but the dance teacher came in and I didn't get the chance to tell you later that day too. On that day Yuki caught my lie accidentally

Yohan- is that the reason since that day Yuki is acting different? [Ishu nodes] This isn't real, I mean what.....?

[Ishu started unbuttoning her shirt]

Yohan- what are you doing?

[Ishu let the shirt slide down her arms and stood there in tang top which clearly showed her body structure wasn't masculine at all]

Yohan- [quickly bends down to pick the shirt up and puts that back on her] [not making eye contact] enough now....I- I need some air [went outside the dorm]

Ishu- I knew this would've happened, if I were in his shoes, I would've felt the same, [in low voice] is this the end?

[Ishu texted Yuki that she confessed to Yohan and went to bed]

Yuki- [reading her text] is the war over? Or is it the beginning? [doorbell rings] is it Yohan? [opened the door and his guess was right] Yohan? You okay? [Yohan didn't respond and went inside] *I don't even know what to say*

[they both sat on the couch and the atmosphere was very awkward]

Yohan- [breaking the silence] I feel like.....

Yuki- what?

Yohan- I cannot describe it in words.

Yuki- do you feel betrayed? Angry?

Yohan- how did you feel then? When you discovered the truth, Yuki?

Yuki- since you asked, I'll be honest then, I like Insu. [Yohan straightened his back] yes, I am in love with him, and here is the issue, I thought I was in love with him, now what? It turns out Insu is a girl, but what's the bigger issue? I still love her the way I did earlier. Though for a few days, I was thrown into the dark pitch of confusion and frustration, I finally figured out my feelings for her. I was so angry about how much more is there to be discovered about myself, and whether am I really in love with her. I always felt my romantic interest leaned toward men and falling for a guy back in 10th grade finally confirmed it. Though it remained one-sided forever as he wasn't like me. But then again, I met Insu and I was ready for another heartbreak. On the day she confessed I could hear my heart and world-shattering into pieces and pieces. This was not what I was expecting. I couldn't show her, trying to keep it all in I focused on understanding Insu, after all, I had a soft spot for her. My labels were nothing but black-and-white scribbles at that point. I heard her part, it all made sense and she had to go with the flow, going with the flow she got too comfortable and here we are today. You have the right to judge her all you want, but please do that after you know everything, you too love Insu right?

Yohan- you knew? [surprised] 

see you soon~~