Delicate

Chapter 8 Part 1-March 2022

A/N: Without further ado, Jenna's POV!

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Some people say you won't know who you truly are until you're in your late 20's. So to use that time before than to make mistakes, find out what you like, what you love, what gets you fired up and awake in the morning and what can soothe your soul when you're down. No one ever sees a 19 year old and says, 'Wow! They know who they are! They're so put together!' Usually that 19 year old gets a quirk of an eyebrow and a nod at their passions and their beliefs. Why do older people tend to shut down teenagers and young adults so fast? Is it because they have their own view of the world and believe that it is tainted? Is it because they felt like they were just like you when they first were your age and now they're pessimistic and just like with anything that shines too bright in the world they have to stamp it out? It's not a bad thing to want to change the world or offer a reprieve from it.

When Jenna first started acting she was a kid. It just looked like it'd be a lot of fun. As she got older and landed more jobs and ads she knew she wanted to go into the Film Industry. She wanted to learn all the nooks and crannies of it. The backstage scene, the filming part of it, the editing part of it - but she knew in order to get into any of that she'd have to start with acting first.

She had told her Mom after her first boyfriend and then subsequent girlfriend after him that she didn't want to concentrate on anything but being an actress and getting more and more opportunities to learn how it all works. The best way to do that? Stay busy. Book movies, tv shows and ads. Develop friendships with each crew member, director, writer, producer, camera operator, cinematographer, sound mixer and editor. The list was loooong and she had it saved in her iPhone. When she got a taste of what that person did, she checked it off. She was young and 16 and had already done so much acting. She wanted to know it all and not be distracted by anything else, especially love. Her mom just laughed at her and said it's when you're not looking it will happen.

She was right.

Jenna wanted nothing to do with being in a relationship until she met you. She thought she had it all figured out in her head what her future partner would be like. They'd be strong and serious. They'd be smarter than her and be into the same books, movies and music. They'd be able to be firm in what they believe in and not back down but they had to have the same opinion as her. She wanted someone who would challenge her mind every single day and do crossword puzzles with on Sunday mornings and then sudoku before bed. They had to be into soccer and her family had to love them. She had a vision of what that love for her looked like in the future - until you came along and didn't check mark even half the things on that list. You were all wrong for her based off that list.

Jenna didn't admit it until a few months into the relationship that she had tried really hard not to get attached to you. She failed completely within the first month after getting your phone number from her sister. There was just something about you that she couldn't quite figure out. Each moment with you, whether that be an hour or a week you'd end up saying something or doing something that would completely make her head spin and she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it until she understood. It wasn't even anything smart! Just some random quote or silly moment would happen where she couldn't tell if you were being serious or what was going on in that brain of yours. Your views of the world and even love had been tainted from the way you grew up but in spite of that no matter what situation Jenna found herself in that was frustrating her or making her sad, you were able to turn that around within minutes. You just seemed to know what Jenna needed before she even did.

The more she got to know you, the more she was starting to figure out who she really was. It was really unfair that you seemed to know exactly who you were and just by being who you were made her question everything she thought she knew or even wanted. That list she had made of love and how she wanted it to be was trashed from the second she heard you say 'Holy Pajama pants batman!' at her nephews and then sang the batman song. It was like her heart and her mind at the same time thought: I want that one! Such a dorky moment to realize that the crush she was feeling was becoming more like love.