Bury me in Amaranth (reader x Edward)

Chapter 8

01.01.1968

He's holding flowers, vibrant hues of pink and red, radical and bright. I recognize them right away for they sing to me, the reddish rose colour is so familiar.

Amaranth.

When he comes to sit beside me I've forgotten about the book in my lap, breath caught on what Edward is holding. "They're beautiful."

"They're for you."

"Are... they amaranth?"

"Yes."

I welcome the rush of heat that fills my cheeks, the way it makes me feel dizzy and burns at my eyes. It makes my head pulse, tears gathering at the corners of my lashes and blurring the view of red in my hand. I'm going to cry.

"I figured you'd only seen them in books, so I wanted to give you a chance to look at them in real life. Do you like them?"

The plastic crinkles under my tight grip, "Yes." They're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. My eyes are burning, I'm going to cry. "They're so much prettier in real life."

I have cried before. Big ugly tears rolling down my cheeks as my face scrunches and lips pursue to hold back the sob that wants to come along with it. I have pressed my hands to my neck until I'm pounding, my whole body swaying from side to side, my blood rushing, my hands cold. Stop, I've always said. Stop this.

I don't stop now.

No, I shake until my eyes are set aflame, till my throat is raspy from my sobs, till I can't breathe.

It feels so good.

I haven't stopped when he pressed his lips to my cheek, I don't take my eyes off the flowers in my hand. There is no thoughts in my head when I bring my hand up to touch the petals, when I speak. "Will you bury me Ed?"

There was no expecting it; he doesn't answer right away. Just takes a deep breath in and out, I think he's looking out the window.

"I will bury you."

Tension eases off my shoulders, my eyes never leave the Amaranths. Thank you. And time simply passes, my eyes staring at the window, at me, the flowers, Ed. And it's this moment I wish to freeze, this moment I wish to hold on to. It occurs to me that I've felt so so frozen. So stuck, imprisoned, unmoving. But the train keeps going, time will never fully freeze, I wish, as always with my time on this train, that this moment could become my forever.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

My eyes follow him as he stands, fists tight when he turns back to me. "I'll come back as soon as I can," he promises. It's the look in his eyes that convince me he will try, oh he'll try.

"Goodbye Ed."

He furrows his brows, "Goodbye Y/n." I'll be back soon. And just like that, he leaves through the doors of the train. Gold eyes, gold hair.

My smile feels bitter when I look at the book in my hands, at the flowers. And gently, almost hesitantly, my fingers fold the edge of the page.