Bury me in Amaranth (reader x Edward)

Introduction

Trying something new! Usually for my collection of well written depressing character development stories (character development as in me, writing is my therapy hehe) I write a conclusion explaining my thoughts. I'll write it in the intro so the book will make sense :3

Note: I started writing this on February 14 2022 when I was 15, I finished February 21 2023. This was a heavy one, but it talks more about the place I was in back in 2022

My note in February 2022 when I started the story - I'm writing this book because I just finished FMAB a little while back, it had more of an impact than I thought, than I would've liked. The anime had beautiful characters, a plot that tied all together nicely and answered all my questions, it left me content. But over all, I think it was the worldbuilding that left me stunned, wanting more. At that last episode when Edward is leaving on the train to go away form Amestris and far off, I really wanted to go with him. It left me with an empty feeling because I consider my life rather flat, finish highschool and move to college. After college, I see no future, no hope, no purpose. I'm not going to lie to you, I don't plan to live much later after I finish my schooling. I don't see a reason for it, I hate working, hate the jobs I have now. I feel no interest to any jobs in the future, and nowadays, all I want to do is lay in bed and sleep. Watch anime, eat, doze off, repeat. I convince myself that I can live a nice aesthetic college life and feel good, but I know that afterwards, there wont be anything left. I want to die now, but I convince myself to put it off until then. My due date. The day where I can be free from this world, this emptiness, void. Thats why Full metal Alchemist hurt me so deeply, because it made me want to see the world, made me want to find people I could trust and love. To travel with and adventure, it made me feel emotions that I'd hid and convinced myself were foolish and childish. I want to see more than the small town I'm stuck in right now, I want to see more than the city I will confine myself in for college, the rest of my schooling, the rest of my life. I'm not one to change plans, I like keeping things organized and done just as I'd planned them. This book was my vent, my peace to the turmoil of buried emotions I'd kept inside of me. But its also for you readers, a reminder that there is life beyond the nonexistent due date, a future to pursue and live. Perhaps thats why I chose the name Amaranth, the flower that means immortal. We are not immortal, we die. All living things perish. But we live on in the memories of the people who know us, the people we touched with our hands, our hearts. We live on, maybe not in our physical bodies, but in the people we know. With that in mind, don't bind yourself with your thoughts and ideology. You have a life to live. So live it.