Will I Ever Be Loved....

Chapter 3- more teasings....

   

It's been a while now.... Rebecca has become used to all the teasings to be honest. It has become her habit actually. The fact that they were from the same church, went for same Wednesday activities and were in the same class caused them to spend more time together.

        They never talked to eachother. But Rebecca always looked at Alex - i want to know if he really loves me. She told herself but little did she know that it was because she had already started loving him.
      
        For someone like Rebecca, someone who had been a victim of bullying and who had childhood traumas that made her believe that nobody actually loved her, Alex's love was like rain in the desert. It helped her have a little bit of self esteem. Atleast the popular guy loves her- that is what she thought.

     Days passed by ,months passed by ,and she went to her next year. To her utter dismay Rebecca and Alex were in different sections.

     Even with all the changes the teasings weren't any less. His friends who were in her class would gather around the window near her class in the breaktime. Sometimes she would see Alex looking at her. She would feel happy and satisfied with that.

       As long as they teased her without much attention gaining she was happy. She would get all anxious if someone new came to know about this teasing. The cherry to the top was that Rebecca was a mom's girl and had told her mom about everything. I mean every little thing. Since Alex was from their same social circle her mother was also happy and would tease her too.
       
       Sometimes she wondered why hasn't he confessed yet. Then she would tell herself that maybe it is because he is shy.

       It was football finals at her school. Rebecca ,Anna and Liz and everyone else were in the field. They were all cheering for their school team.
Suddenly it started raining and the match was stopped
     

         Rebecca and her friends ran to their school building and were just talking in the hallway.
Liz: come lets go inside its getting really cold in here
  They went inside .
As soon as Rebecca entered her class someone from the boys side shouted " Alex is really gorgeous right". Soon the whole class started to tease her. Most of them were like how can Alex love Rebecca. This made her really anxious and nervous.

  Serah: Rebecca do you love Alex
Rebecca: no i don't love him
Serah : then why are they teasing you with his name.
Rebecca: I don't know maybe it is because he loves me.
     
    That sentence that accidentally slipped her mouth had a very big impact in her life. Little did she know that she was going to regret that for the rest of her life.

   All throughout that class Rebecca was really restless she felt like everyone was judging her. She was afraid of Alex's reaction. Moreover she was afraid of one thing. What if he stops loving me..... Soon it was break time and man it was such  chaos in the
hallway. She saw people asking Alex a lot of questions and from his facial expressions she could read that he was getting angry.

          Liz just went out to the washroom. On her way back she heard something that she wished she hadn't heard.
      Jeff: Alex do you really love Rebecca
       Alex: Huh Rebecca !!! I will never love someone like her.

      Liz couldn't imagine how broken her friend would feel if she said this . So she thought to keep it herself.

Rebecca: Liz i have a really bad feeling. What if Alex stops loving me. What if we could never be lovers. I love him so much.

Liz felt really bad for her best friend. This was actually the first time Rebecca confessed her love but even without that Liz and Anna knew about it. They could understand the little sparkle they saw in Rebecca's eyes whenever she talked about Alex. Liz understood that it is better if her friend knows that it is an unrequited love and the opposite person doesn't value her.

  Liz: Rebecca i need to tell you something. Alex doesn't love you i heard him say that to the boys present there.
   Rebecca didn't say anything she just sat there recalling Liz's words again and again. Alex doesn't love her. Anna and Liz felt guilty for teasing her in the first place. Because they knew that if it wasn't for their affirmation that Alex loves her she wouldn't have loved him back .
 

Rebecca: i am goin to the washroom.
Anna : we will come with you.
  They were going to the washroom and Rebecca could already feel a lot of questioning eyes on her. She felt suffocated.
They were coming back to her class room when they heard serah  talking to her friends

Serah : Guys did you just here what Alex said right now about Rebecca?! He declined all the rumours and he was even quite offended like he said who would even love Rebecca. Exactly like who would even love her

Kate : yeah that nerd just made up stories so that she gets the limelight. Ungrateful bitch!!!

       Rebecca couldn't believe what she heard just now. She just ran away from there. She couldn't take it anymore. Liz and Anna tried all they could to make her stop crying but all their efforts went in vain.

        On her way back home Rebecca couldn't stop but think about the very first time she was bullied.......

     It was when she was in third grade. Rebecca had just started to wear spectacles. She had curly hair which wasn't maintained well so it was super dry and frizzy.
   She had went to write an exam in her Sunday class. She was sitting on a bench along with a girl from grade 7. Soon after Rebecca came and sat with her , she and her other friend started to body shame Rebecca.

Girl1: hey look at this girls hair. It looks like a bird's nest.
Girl2: do you even wash your hair.
Girl 1 : i don't think she does , look at her spectacles they are horn rimmed ones looks as if she got it from the thrift store.
  Girl 2: don't sit near to her you will also look as bad as her.

       Little did they know that they were sowing the seeds of inferiority complex, low self esteem and lack of confidence in an innocent young girl. From that day onwards Rebecca believed that she was really ugly. She couldn't smile anymore properly because with each and every small actions she felt as if she was making a fool out of herself.

       Alex's supposed interest in her had helped her increase her self esteem a little bit. But all of it went down the drain. She understood that not only Alex doesn't love her, he also doesn't respect her.