Introspecting About You

1

"Introspection or self-analysis is about self questioning yourself about your feelings, emotions, or mental state, while in a spiritual context it may refer to the examination of one's soul."

Our personal development teacher is discussing our lesson for today. This subject is so boring, gusto ko lang matulog dahil madali lang ang subject na ito para sa'kin. You just need to have common sense on this subject, para sa'kin lang naman.

"Nababagot ako," my seatmate and my friend, Samantha, said, laying her head on my shoulder.

I heaved a sigh. "Same."

After the boring class, I listened even though it didn't come to mind. We decided to buy our food for lunch. Napag-isipan namin na mag lunch nalang sa cafeteria dahil parang naboboring na din ako sa classroom. 

"Hi Cordelia!" My other friend from STEM strand welcomed me with a warm hug.

I hugged her back and kissed her cheeks. "Hi! Kumusta ka na?"

Her shoulder went down, a sign that she's not okay. "Ayoko na mag STEM. Pwede mag shift ng strand?" She said it in her monotone voice.

Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti sa kaniya at tinapik ang braso. "Sus, kaya mo 'yan. Pahinga lang tas laban ulit," I said, lightening up her mood even though I was already dying in my strand.

While we are walking, I always stop because my friends are greeting me and talking to me. I am known as the social butterfly in our school because I have many friends and I am approachable as always. Kahit ay hindi ko 'yan kilala ay talagang papansinin ko. I have this attitude of mine that has become everybody's favorite. 

"Nandito na ang artista," sambit ni Mitsy na kasama si Samantha at Trejana na ngayon ay nakaupo na sa kaniyang-kaniya na mga upuan na nandito sa loob ng cafeteria.

They are done ordering their foods, kaya ako nalang ang mag-isa na nag order ng sa'kin at bumalik doon sa kanila, but patapos na sila sa kinakain. I can't help but feel bad, hindi man lang ako nila hinintay.

But it's okay. Siguro ay gutom lang talaga sila.

"Una na kami. Punta muna kami comfort room," si Samantha at umunang tumayo kasabay nila Trejada at Mitsy. 

I can't do anything, so I just nodded, and now I'm alone eating my food. This is not new to me, at tsaka okay lang naman 'yon dahil hindi naman dapat palagi na kasama nila ako. It's not a big deal for me.

Pagkatapos kong kumain ay tatayo na sana ako pabalik sa classroom ng biglang umupo ang isang kaibigan ko na galing sa ABM. We are not that close, but I see her as my friend. We didn't have a chance to hang out with each other because we were both busy.

"Cordelia, please, tulungan mo 'ko!" She said it histrionically while forming both of her hands like she was going to pray.

"Ah?" Nagugulat na ani ko dahil sa reaksyon nito sa aking harapan. "Y-yeah, sure, ano 'yon?"

May kinuha siya sa bag niya, kaya nagtataka akong napatingin doon. I saw a letter in her hands. Natigilan ako dahil ang sobrang kapareho ng letter niya sa'kin. I also have one that I should give to my crush! She looked at me with her puppy eyes. "Please, can you give it to Akihiko Ryuji?"

Pero nandoon lang 'yon sa bahay yung akin. Pareho lang talaga kami ng paper na ginamit. I actually bought that letter paper from Nbs.

"Huh?!" I covered my mouth when I realized that I had said it loudly. "H-hindi ko 'yan kilala."

I just met Akihiko Ryuji last three days in a very chaotic way. Nalaman ko din na 1 week daw ang suspension niya kasi parati itong late at hindi pa nag su-suot ng uniform. One week daw din dahil hindi niya pinapunta ang parents niya sa school. He is really a pain in the ass.

"Wag ka ng magsinungaling! Alam kong magkaibigan kayo e, sabi pa nga 'yon ni Aki!" She replied and pouted. "Sige na, please, parang awa mo na."

"Hindi talaga kami magkaibigan. He's lying--" 

She stopped me from saying more. "Please, para lang maganado ako sa exam natin next week," she said, holding my hands.

Wala na akong nagawa kundi magbuntong hininga nalang. Siguro ay kaya ko naman ito at ibibigay nalang kay Augustus para siya na ang magbigay kay Akihiko. I don't want to see Akihiko's face again, I'm allergic to hardheaded boys.

"Thank you, talaga, Cordelia. "You're the best!" 

Nakabusangot na tuloy akong lumabas sa cafeteria habang ang letter ay nailagay na sa bag. Hahanapin ko nalang talaga si Augustus. I went directly to their office, which is the Scg office or meeting room, pero isa lang ang nakita ko, yung vice president.

"Oh, hey, Cords!" He greeted me and stood up. "Anong kailangan mo?"

"Please don't call me in that way, Vice President," I said, rolling my eyes. "But by the way, asan yung magaling mong kaibigan?"

"Ah? Si Augustus?"

I nodded.

"Nasa field siguro 'yon, sabi kasi niya kanina ay may pupuntahan siya doon."

"Thank you, VP!"

Lumabas kaagad ako sa room na 'yon at pumunta kaagad sa field. There I saw Augustus sitting peacefully on the bench. Humakbang kaagad ako papunta sa kaniya at tumayo sa harapan niya. He looked up at me.

Augustus is kind of hot and handsome. Crush ko nga siya noong grade 11 pa lang ako, but we became friends instead because I don't want hardheaded guys. Medyo makulit kasi si Augustus at ayoko sa ganoon.

"Oh, ano kailangan mo?" He sigh. "Busy ako kaya wag muna ngayo--"

"Ang oa!" I rolled my eyes. I immediately let him see the letter that has a heart in the center and is pink. Parehong-pareho talaga sa letter ko. "Pwede mo ito ipabigay kay Akihiko--"

My mouth formed into an "o" when he shouted. "Akihiko, may ibibigay sa'yo si Cordelia!"

Nanigas ako sa tinatayuan ko, at parang mamamatay na talaga ako. Nakita ko kaagad si Akihiko na kasama sila Anwyll at Ares habang hawak nito ang walis tingting. 

His expression changed when he saw me. His lips curled into a smile, and he walked towards me with his two hands on the side pockets of his slacks. He's now wearing our complete uniform, but his white polo is unbuttoned, which is why the black t-shirt can be seen.

Nasa harapan ko na ito ng biglang napatayo si Augustus at tinapik ang braso ko. "Go girl, kaya mo 'yan." He even cheered me up!

Mas napamaang ako. "H-hoy!" Tawag ko sa kaniya, pero umalis na ito sa harapan ko habang kasama sila Anwyll at Ares na ngayon ay may pa approve sign pa at fighting sign gamit ang mga kamay nila. 

Wala na akong nagawa kundi magbuntong hininga nalang at binalik ang tingin kay Akihiko na nasa harapan ko na ngayon ay tanaw na ang letter. Wala na akong nagawa kundi ay binigay ito sa kaniya.

"Pinapabigay ng kaibigan ko," hindi interesadong sambit ko, kinuha niya naman kaagad ito.

"Wow! Confession 'yarn?!" Someone shouted, and I saw a group of boys. They are looking at us. Kaibigan siguro ni Akihiko.

"H-hindi!" Sigaw ko kaagad pabalik. "I just did someone's favor!"

"Weh!" Sigaw ng isang lalake. "Okay lang 'yan. Sige, aalis nalang kami." They chuckle.

Napasapo ako sa noo ko. Hawak pa rin ni Akihiko ang letter ngayon. "That's it. Aalis na ako." I said that made him look at me. "Galing 'yan sa taga Abm. Tignan mo lang kung may pangalan 'dyan--"

He bit the side of his lips, I think he's stopping himself to smile. "Okay."

I just nodded. Tinalukuran ko na siya at nagsimula ng humakbang. Hindi pa lang ako nakakalayo ay narinig ko kaagad ang boses niya na tinatawag ang pangalan ko. Some of the students were looking at us.

"Cordelia!"

I stopped taking steps and faced him again.

"It has your name in it, so I will consider it your confession." He winked.