This is simply a raw side story/poem/real life experience/whatever you want to call it.
It is NOT a part of this or any other book.
But it is everything I have learnt and known.
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And the hardest part was letting go not taking part, that was the hardest part.
The hardest part was seeing that my feelings for you wouldn't ever be reciprocated. And that I had to finally accept that I liked you yet I have to move on.
I finally knew that I didn't want to try any more. I wanted to let go.
The hardest part was accepting. Accepting that you didn't see me in that way. Accepting that you liked her.
Accepting that I wasn't special to you.
Accepting that you weren't mine to start with at all.
And the strangest thing was waiting for that bell to ring, that was the strangest part.
Sitting in class. Having many friends. Laughing. Joking. Chatting.
How can you have all of that yet feel alone? How is that possible? That's the strangest feeling.
And waiting for that bell to ring to finally head home is everything to me.
There was a point when I used to enjoy my school life.
But now I don't. I just sit and stare at the clock and wait for that bell to ring to leave all of these people with all of their fake smiles.
I could feel it go down. Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth.
Because I wasn't used to this new person. This selfish, cowardly and insecure girl who had taken over my body.
This strange sensation of wanting to see yourself from other's perspective. This strange feeling of wanting to know what others thought about me.
When did I, the cool, confident and suave creature give a rat's ass what they thought about me? When did I start caring more about what others thought of me rather than what I thought of myself.
When? The question that has been in my head ever since it started.
I didnt want to accept this "other" being in my body.
But I can feel it go down. It's bitter taste in my mouth. Reluctant to leave no matter how much I tried, begged or pleaded.
It just wouldn't let my thoughts be mine again.
Silver lining the cloud
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out.
Is it the support my mother shows towards me? Is it the friendship extended by my peers? Is it the cure?
Where is the silver lining to my cloud? Why is it that I can't spot it? For two years I've waited patiently for it to appear.
Nothing has ever shown up. Except I think when my mother finally sat me down n spoke to me did I know that she was mine.
But how can I live upto her expectations, succeed and finally break free of this dark cloud?
And the hardest part,
Was letting go, not taking part.
You really broke my heart.
I lost you. I lost my smile when I lost you. And I'm sorry that you weren't able to see me the way I saw you. I'm sorry I hated you so much for not loving me. I'm sorry I spoke like I knew you. But now I'm speaking in the past tense cause I don't know anymore.
Even as I write this, my fingers aren't sure of what to write. My heart isn't clear where you stand. My mind doesn't know what to think of you. I'm lost.
And let's be honest, in a few more years I won't feel like this anymore. My head might stop feeling so heavy and my tears will dry up. My smile might return but my heart will always remember. It will always remember the day you broke it into so many tiny pieces. And somewhere in those pieces, lie my shattered hopes for us and what could have been.
And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
And that was the hardest part.
When you want to express but your expression isn't enough. When you want to talk but words aren't easily forthcoming.
When you want to shout it out to the world and let everyone finally know but you just somehow aren't able to.
When you try to be yourself but you've forgotten who that is.
I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're a silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it's all about
I wonder what it's all about
I sit here, in a daze. Lost in this endless maze. I don't know what to do or what to say. I don't know what to think or dream about. My future days seem bleak and unforgiving. I don't know where to look or who to speak to. I feel lost, confused and the only way to describe myself right now would be a mess.
YOU ARE READING
Of poems and thoughts
Poetry"My nana always told me. Lock your heart away before the big bad wolf comes to play. But what happens dear nan when I seem to have lost the key?" "Of bullets and shards. Of rubbers and ice. Of places and homes. Of broken ties that I cant seem to fi...
