Never Fade From Me (The Life & Times of River Song & The Doctor)

The Girl Who Waited

Every book ever written in the whole Universe was in that Library and there was one book River resisted from visiting for a long time until one day she had to see her parents again... The Doctor was in the virtual world version of the book but River had already seen him in other ones, this was the only one with a version of her parents in, it wasn't a great likeness because she had written it, too shadowy pulp fiction and superficial caricature in places, after all River was no writer and she couldn't interact because she was the author, it was painful to watch, the moment when the angels tore her parent's away from her and the Doctor, ending all their adventures together but in her virtual limbo world it had been the only way she would see her long dead parents again. Though during their lifetime River had kept in touch and over the years she had constantly travelled back in time to see her parents, they never once asked River what she got up to with the Doctor, it was awkward because the unspoken pain was in Amy's eyes that she would never see her raggedy man again. But Rory and Amy were happy, that much River could see as the Ponds made a new life for themselves and had adopted a baby boy. The child had been River's idea, her mum and dad didn't want a girl because they said they already had one, so a boy it was...When River had been genetically engineered at Demon's Run to be part Time Lord, one of the side effects meant she was infertile, River had spent all her life brushing this tragic affliction off and seeing as though she had spent most of her life training to become an assassin and then a good part of it in prison, River thought it had been for the best, she didn't truly believe she was mother material, that she and the Doctor would have made the most terribly useless and rubbish parents in the whole Universe, well this was what River told everyone but in truth it was a different story, deep down River would have loved to have been a mother. Though she was never too sure how strong these feelings were until the day River had held her baby brother in her arms for the first time and then the floodgates of longing had suddenly opened. It had taken River unawares as the baby's head had rested unexpectedly against her breast, her heart had suddenly melted as she felt a rush of protectiveness and realised what she had been missing all her life but nothing could prepare her for the moment when her baby brother opened his eyes and looked into hers... All the thousand supernova's and sunsets of the Universe she had seen was nothing compared to that breath taking moment and when the baby's hand reached out for her curls, his tiny fingers, surprisingly strong held on so tightly, River had felt a terrible constriction in her throat as she quickly handed her brother back to her mum like he was some highly flammable explosive because crying simply wouldn't do, she didn't want to make her parents sad on such a happy day, this was their day not hers. Rory and Amy had watched their daughter with fascination, River thought she had got away with it but her mum had seen the longing and tenderness in her daughter's eyes.

Over time Anthony Brian Williams would learn from River about the brave and incredible lives of his parents who had travelled with the mad man in the box, he would even learn to love his vivacious and mysterious "big" sister, even though in later years he found it hard to accept that River didn't seem to want to stick around for their parents, especially the older they got. But Anthony couldn't understand what it was to be a time traveller, to see those you love grow old and die it was only a fraction of what the Doctor went through but River wasn't brave enough to be there all the time. River loved her little brother even though in later years he was somewhat distant towards her but Anthony had never met the Doctor, so he could never understand that she could never give up her life with the Doctor, besides she was unable to commit to one time and live an ordinary life, in part it was due to her upbringing but the reality was she was more like the Doctor than she thought. River and her parents could never get back those lost years but in their own dysfunctional way they had tried to make up for it and after her father Rory died, River and Amy became even closer in only a way that a mother and daughter can be when everyone else has gone away. After the angels had took Amy, River had seen her mother's grave and knew she would live on for five years after Rory, so River was determined to make that time count and be the daughter her mum had always wanted. Sometimes it had felt as though River had to split herself into two, she was a Professor at the Lunar University by day, by night she was at the Doctor's side and then there was this parallel existence with Amy. But New York, circa 1990, theatres, art galleries and gay bars with her mum were some of the best times in River's life until time inevitably caught up with mum. The final days of her mother's life had been lived out in the tiny bedroom of her New York apartment. Anthony had expected River to go but she had stayed and cared for mum. River had been astounded by how brave and uncomplaining her mother had been, in her final months she had suddenly become frail, the beautiful red hair had gone long ago but River could still see the starlight and the little girl shining definitely in her eyes and mum had never lost her Scottish accent much to amusement of everyone around her and once Rory had gone, no one except River really knew what an extraordinary life Amelia Pond had lived but never once had they spoken of the Doctor. Not until the last hour of Amy's life. The ending came so sudden, Anthony had popped out for a breather and he needed to spend some time with his family, who were strangers to River, so when the end came River was alone with her mum.