Never Fade From Me (The Life & Times of River Song & The Doctor)

Everybody Dies

"...everybody knows that everybody dies..."

River Song threw her diary from the clifftop, to be consumed by the endless waves, though in reality it was the glittering darkness of infinity which lay below. That diary had been her lifeline, her confidante, the proof that she had once been part of the Doctor's story, the man she loved more than her own life, that impossible, madman in a blue box. River Song had run with the Doctor, she had played her part in a beautiful, dark story that she hoped would never end. In destroying the diary, she had erased the last trace of herself in this world, the original would have decayed long ago and been consumed by the shadows in the Library but she knew every line of that book and along with the memories, it was imprinted upon her heart. Not that this mattered now... River Song was ready to go as she nodded to herself, strangely at peace as she smiled bravely with a look in her eyes which could almost be called acceptance.

"It's time..."

River Song stepped off the edge.

The Doctor had always been there to catch her but River told herself "No...Not this time, this is the end." as she felt herself falling, plummeting so fast and hard into the heart of the darkness that she felt herself tearing up and slipping away into unconsciousness, so close to touching oblivion. River closed her eyes and waited for the end as she fell blindly into a soundless void... Except it wasn't silent, not anymore...

This was a sound that River knew above all others, the most wonderful sound in the whole Universe and one which River had not heard in a long, long time but she could never forget it as the wheezing, groaning sound of engines strained to come into existence, a powerful storm that would not be confined, calling out to her across the void. This sound had filled River with hope so many times. And it was impossible that she should be hearing it now but River could hear the TARDIS... And where the TARDIS was, it could only mean one thing, the Doctor...The Doctor was here...

Of course River calmly told herself she was hallucinating while she listened to the TARDIS engines, believing this was her true death experience. River had learnt about so many different cultures as an archaeologist and throughout the history of the Universe many races close to death hallucinate, a shared experience was the tunnel of blinding light, maybe River would see the light if she opened her eyes now but she didn't want the same experience as the rest of the Universe but more than anything she was afraid that the TARDIS, along with the hope of the Doctor would fade if she opened her eyes. River smiled and nothing could extinguish that smile on her face, she loved that sound but by rights it should never have existed, it was only because that brilliant, infuriatingly silly man would always insist on leaving the brakes on...

River could still feel herself falling, it felt like forever while all the time the sound of the TARDIS got louder until it permeated her entire being and just when she thought they had finished with her there was one last piercing flashback. It was the first time "her Doctor" had met her after he had caught River in one of his most daring and spectacular rescues, as River had dived straight through the open TARDIS doors and right into his open arms. But it was some throwaway remark the Doctor had made which came back to her now, on the beaches of Alfava Metraxis, the Doctor and River had stood with her mum Amy, (so young and yet so brave River had later reflected as she wrote in her diary) who had unknowingly met her daughter for the first time while the wreckage of the Byzantium blazed above the three of them.

"I'm not going to be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping..."

The Doctor huffed grumpily and pouted like a big kid, River couldn't get over how young he had looked that day, but it still didn't stop her wanting to kiss him senseless and she felt the electric between them, the heightened attraction even though he didn't know her, not yet. Even then he was trying to run away from his future but all the time he knew River was his fate and he could not fight it as with each passing moment the Doctor looked into her eyes, trying to fathom the enigma of River Song with the air of a desperate man who knew there was no escape.

"And you are so wrong."

River retorted, smiling with affection and confidence because she knew the answer, it was firmly in her past and already lived; the Doctor would always be there to catch her. Knowing he wasn't going to win their banter the Doctor had walked away but then later when no one else was looking he couldn't resist as he glanced over at her again and then River knew in that moment he had already fallen in love with her. He had always loved her.

And now River wanted her last thought to be of the Doctor, his lips upon hers in one eternal kiss before running off like children towards one last adventure. And the light suddenly came as powerful as a regeneration and blinded them but the Doctor and his wife kept on running... River let out a gasp, her heart leapt from out of her and her whole body jolted as if a cord linking her to the living had been cut.

And then darkness.