How To Be A Family For Dummies by Philza

The Trials And Many Errors of Tommy Innit

"Ugh, do I have to wear a tie?"

"I wouldn't mind."

"Shut up, Wilbur, you're not helping," Tommy grumbles.

"At least, you get to wear a uniform while I'm stuck choosing my clothes."

"Don't rub off your outfit privileges on me, Tech."

"If it makes you feel better, I think you look fantastic, mate."

"Sod off," Tommy mutters at Philza's compliment.

Techno checks his new watch. It's too posh for Tommy's taste and he always fakes a gag every time Techno looks at it. He doesn't need to show off how classy and graceful he is at everything. It pisses Tommy off.

"We're gonna be late," Techno warns.

Floof runs around their legs, barking for attention.

"Floof, no barking!" Techno pets him.

Floof whines and tries to make Techno trip. Unfortunately for Floof and Tommy, Techno stays in balance, as if the dog barely inconvenienced him. Tommy would've laughed if Techno fell. He doesn't get that luxury today. Philza takes his keys while Wilbur checks himself in the mirror for the billionth time. Tommy groans and opens the door before Philza. How did he end up with fashion freaks for brothers? He'll never forgive the forces above for this.

"Hey, Tommy, wait!"

Tommy rolls his eyes at Wilbur's voice and he turns, sending a bored look at him. Wilbur begins to adjust his tie and gets rid of the wrinkles on his shoulder. Tommy shoves him off with a groan.

"Will, stop," he whines, dragging the o sound. "I'm fine."

"You need to make a good first impression."

"What's the point? I'll just be myself."

"Do not be yourself," Techno laughs nervously.

Tommy sends him a raised eyebrow. What's wrong with being himself? If no one can stand him, they don't deserve to be his friend. They get in the car, Wilbur in the shotgun seat. Tommy slouches in his seat, annoyed that Wilbur made him sit beside Techno. He's gonna pay for that, one day. Tommy tries to look outside, but he's too low to see anything. So, he crosses his arms in defeat and tries to relax. He fails. He lets out a frustrated groan and sits up. He counts how many red cars they pass. He loses count after 4, and counts again. After losing count three times, he abandons his game and listens to the song on the radio. Wilbur is singing along, like the prick he is. Techno has his headphones on, ignoring the world around him. Tommy wished he had headphones. He only has Philza's old earphones and the quality is so bad, he only wears them if it's necessary.

He sees buses around a building and he realizes they're at Techno and Wilbur's new school. Philza drops them off.

"Be on your best behaviour!" Wilbur waves at Tommy.

He scoffs.

"Don't pull any pranks yet, they don't need to know you're a trouble-maker on the first day," Techno says.

Tommy rolls his eyes. "Will you guys piss off already?!"

They both grin at him. Wilbur ruffles his hair. Tommy tries to shove him off. Wilbur lets go of his hair once he finishes, and Techno sends him a salute. Philza laughs and Tommy crosses his arms.

"S'not funny," he mumbles.

Philza chuckles and starts driving to Tommy's school. At his old school, many kids were worried about middle school. They said it was the worst years of everyone's lives. Tommy didn't see the problem. What could be so bad about middle school? It's just kids of his age. Tommy can't wait to prank all of the school. He has a notebook filled with pranks and jokes, ready to be used for the school year. From what he's seen with Techno, it was his last chance to have some fun before responsibilities. He hates that word. It's too long and it's too fancy for what it means. He mostly hates it for what it means. If life didn't have responsibilities, everyone would be having a great life. Tommy doesn't get how bent on Techno is on responsibilities.