January. Still on his mind. He texts her again. Gets no replies. Texts her again. Still waiting for answers. Nothing. No more conversations like the beginning of the friendship. He's doubting himself. Is he not enough of a friend? Does she need something else? Then she replies. But only for schoolwork. He gets excited. Fallen for her trap again. Then she stops. He keeps texting her though trying to ease the mood. Not realizing how much he has fallen for her. Sinking deeper and deeper with no end. He's still texting. February. They begin talking in school now. He gets excited believing things are finally back to normal.
But it's not. Short answers. One-word replies. Replies with no more than a sentence. Shorter and shorter. Till all he gets is "left on seen". He still tells her he loves him. Platonically of course. That's all it's been the whole time. This boy can't fall in love romantically or sexually. But he's still in love with her. He really took "personality" to the next level.
It was mid-February when he has finally come to his senses. He realizes he's in love. But he only wants to love her as a friend. Not just loving her because there's some type of attraction to her personality.
Finally, after waiting gets a reply. She's asking him a question. He gets excited for a bit from the notifications. The adrenaline of finally talking to each other, even if it was just for a small moment. Then it stops. She ghosted him for weeks maybe months why is he excited? That's wrong. He shouldn't be excited. She leaves him then comes back and leaves multiple times during their friendship. Only coming back when she needs something. Is that not wrong? Being used and manipulated because the other side knew what he wanted. It was a drug. Not love. But love is a drug.
He replies using short answers before phoning a friend. They figure out the situation and he avoids her for a while hoping that everything can be calmed down before facing his problems. He wasn't going to run away from his problem like he usually does. This time he was going to face them.
Or that's what he thought. The urge to go back was strong. Maybe if I fell out of love, I could love her as friends he thought. So that's what he did. Made a plan to fall out of love not calculating how much time that was going to take. Not taking the number of months he had left of the school year to fall out of love. The last love he fell out with, took 11 months. And somehow he was convincing himself he could do it in three. Why? Why did he have to put himself through so much pain? He knew he was being used and manipulative, he knew what was happening. But he still stayed. What a loyal bitch.
Was it because he loved her? Or was it because he felt that being "used" meant that he actually meant something then? That he was actually doing something.
