Final Room

24 | julie james

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR | JULIE JAMES

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          It's taken me months to do it, but I finally decide to trust Doctor Albott and give Xavier a chance.

          I don't do it immediately, though, and know that my insistence in waiting for the right time, when I'll be fully prepared to open that door,is cemented in nothing but a deep fear of facing the truth head on. As long as I keep making excuses to delay that conversation, the harder I'll suffer in anticipation, which is far from being the desired outcome.

          Odette and Betty are both acutely aware of this and have urged me to do it as soon as possible—for my sake and his, not because they're curious. I know they are, even without saying it to my face, but I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless; at least they care, and they know my happiness depends on the quality of my relationship with Xavier.

          Thus, I tell them I'll talk to Xavier after Betty talks to Callum and has a proper, productive conversation with him instead of plotting his murder and disposal of his body. She protests like I've just suggested she should punch a professor in the face or kick a puppy—or, say, Sidney—like it's the worst thing in the world, and even turns to Odette for support, pouting.

          "You know that's the one thing I can't do," Betty tells her, reaching out for her hands. One of Odette's hands is holding a strawberry scone and, for a second, I'm glad we're hanging out at her house and not at mine, where Xavier would be complaining about our choice in pastries every five minutes. "Don't listen to her, Odie. I'm literally begging you. Don't make me do this. Don't make me pretend to be his friend; you know I'm a terrible liar."

          "Well, you could always . . . not lie," Odette retorts, moving her scone away. The only issue with that is Sidney herself, who's been patiently sitting opposite Betty and, therefore, is in direct view of the scone. She even sticks her tongue out, approaching Odette with caution like she doesn't know I'm keeping an eye on her, and I let her have some fun before deciding to reprimand her. "You could give him a genuine chance. Don't just pretend to."

          "I'm failing the Bechdel test for your sake."

          Odette rolls her eyes. "That's not what this is about. You could be nicer to him and you know it. He's been putting in the effort to treat you better, and you keep acting like he kicks kittens on a daily basis."

          Defeated, Betty falls back to her bean bag chair, arms crossed in front of her chest. "How do you know he doesn't?" Odette kicks her on the calf, while I finally decide to beckon Sidney to return to my side instead of attempting to steal Odette's scone. Disappointed, she trots towards me and curls around herself by my feet. "Look, I'm just saying. There's a reason we've never gotten along, and I highly doubt we'll be best buddies all of a sudden. I have a lot on my plate right now, and I can't afford to be stressed out over it." She turns to me then, frowning. "It's not fair to use me as an excuse not to talk to your brother, you know. If you don't feel ready, just be honest about it."

          I let out a deep sigh, elbows set on my knees. "I'm not using you as an excuse, B. I just think both of us have been postponing these conversations for way too long—"

          "You have, I haven't. I don't want to talk to Callum."

          "—and yes, I'm not ready to talk to Xavier. I'm not sure I'll ever be, but I still know it's something both of us have to do if we want to move forward with our lives. It's the one secret that shouldn't exist between us. I know it's not the same as what's going on between you and Callum—"