After school, Kirishima and I walked back to the dorms together. We agreed to go to our own rooms, shower and get changed, and then meet back up in my room to do our homework.
We got to our floor and I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading to my room and pulling out some bed clothes, which was just a pair of shorts and a random t-shirt.
After I was showered and dressed, I sat on my bed trying to figure out how to word things. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable but it was a subject that honestly was probably going to be super awkward and uncomfortable to talk about.
When I heard a knock at my door, I went and opened it and pulled him into a tight hug right away. He hugged me back and slowly walked us into my room and shut the door.
"You have something on your mind. I know you do. Talk to me, love." He said as he hugged me back.
"I do...yes. We...we need to talk. You're probably not going to like it but..." I slowly let go of the hug to see his reaction.
"What do we need to talk about?" He asked. He looked scared.
"Why are your arms wrapped up? I saw some of the bandages during training today. I was going to say something after training in the locker rooms...that's originally why I waited around but I also didn't want to make you uncomfortable during school hours."
"O-oh...you saw those..." He said quietly. He tried to hide his face by looking down at the ground. He was ashamed of it.
"Yeah...I'm not going to ask to see them. If I'm right about what it is, I know things like that aren't exactly something you like showing to people."
"You...you're right...I..." He started tearing up. We went and sat down on my bed and I held him as he cried.
"It'll be okay. I'm right here." I said. I tried to help him calm down. Once he was calm, he spoke.
"Please don't tell anyone. They'll think I'm weak. Or crazy." He said.
"You're not crazy, and you're definitely not weak. You're one of the strongest people I know."
"I'm really not though. I struggle daily to keep from cutting my arms apart. Some days I want to keep going until I bleed out...intentionally cut a little too deep."
"But the fact that you haven't is what makes you strong." We were silent for a few moments until he asked a question.
"What else have you noticed?" He asked.
"You wait until everyones out of the changing rooms to change. You hardly eat. Your music is all about depression or suicide. I also knew when you asked me about suicide the other day that it wasn't just a passing thought."
"You're very observant...huh." He said with a small laugh.
"Only because I care. If I didn't, chances are I never would've noticed anything was wrong." I wonder if I've brushed off signs of these issues in other people because I'm not as close to them?
"I know. Part of me is glad you noticed...it means I'm not alone anymore. Another part of me hates that you noticed and thinks all I'm going to do is burden you with all my problems and push you away."
"You could never be a burden on me, Kiri. I'm here because I want to be here with you. I always will." I said.
"What do we do now?" He asked.
"I'd recommend going to a teacher, but I know you'll shoot that idea down. I don't blame you though. For now, I just want you to come to me, or call me even. Shoot me a text. If you ever feel like you need to cut, or feel suicidal, I'll be right there by your side."
"It usually happens later at night and I don-"
"No. I don't care what time you need me. I'll be there." I said.
"Thank you." He said. It sounded like he's never had anyone willing to stand by him and go through it with him. I want to be that person for him.
"Always. I love you, Kiri."
"I love you too." He smiled.
~~~
"You know, my favorite color wasn't always red." Kirishima said to me while we sat outside on the fire escape. We were looking at the sunset. The sky was full of beautiful, bright reds and oranges.
"What? Really? What was it? I asked out of curiosity,
"It was actually silver at one point."
"Silver? You don't seem like a silver kind of person."
"Yeah. Silver. One day in middle school, I picked up something silver and tried to color with it. Every time I tried, it turned red. I eventually learned to love red more than anything in the world and wanted nothing more than to see it roll down my wrists." He said. It didn't take me long to realize what he was talking about.
Cutting.
"Do you...wanna talk more about it?" I asked.
"Yeah...kinda."
"Okay, what's on your mind?"
"I guess I just wanted to explain more about why I do it. How I feel when I do it. Help you understand. I know I don't have to, but..."
"It's fine. If it's something you want to talk about, we can talk about it. It's better to get it off your mind." I encouraged him. He went on for a while. He explained that he does it because it distracts him from the mental pain he feels almost all of the time. Sometimes there's a little voice in the back of his head telling him to do it. It's the same voice that tells him how weak and worthless he is. He told me he's tried to kill himself before. It didn't work, mostly because he didn't tie the rope properly, but he still tried, and he thinks about trying again pretty often.
I tried not to cry as he talked, but before I knew it I had a few tears falling down my face. I can't believe he felt this way. I wish I knew sooner and could help him sooner. At least I know now. I can help him. I can be right by his side for all of it.
~Word Count~
~1039~
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Red - Depressed Kirishima x Bakugo
Fanfiction"You know, my favorite color wasn't always red." Kirishima said to me while we sat outside on the fire escape. We were looking at the sunset. The sky was full of beautiful, bright reds and oranges. "What? Really? What was it? I asked out of curiosit...
