my thoughts

I think...

I think my dad hates me and that is probably not true, but i can't help feeling like it is. I mean even if he doesn't hate me I just feel like he can't stand me sometimes.

And honestly I don't understand how it came to this. Our relationship was good, I went fishing with him, we joked with each other, and i even gave him money (which he did double when he gave it back, but that's besides the point) when he needed it for something.

I think he stopped liking me when i turned fifteen. I don't know how but things just changed. I don't know how but they just changed. 

And now everything I do is bad. The way I answer, the way I forget things, the way I lie, the way I care, the way I don't care, the way I spend money, the way I'm doing at school, the way I'm always on the internet, the way I never walk the dog, the way I never do anything and most importantly the way I AM.

This became so suffocating that now i just don't want to do anything with my dad anymore. I don't want to tell him things,  I don't want to go fishing with him, I don't want to go shopping with him, and mostly I don't want to spend time with him because i just can't stomach to hear anymore complaints and lectures he is telling me.

And it makes me sad, because why did things have to change, why did things have to be so bad between us, and most importantly why does he have to hate me. And I know hate is a strong word so if i could describe my fathers feelings towards me I'd use two words and two words only : strong dislike.

And I am probably exaggerating and painting him as the villain in this story (wich he is not,), because he loves me and I love him, but sometimes I can't help but feel like he only loves me because I'm his child and if i wasn't then he would actually hate me.

All love - probsinsane