Metamorphose (OBX S3 book III JJ fan fiction)

FORTEEN

He could tell. I knew he could tell.

I felt racked with guilt. Everything was moving fast and slow at once, like I was being shoved backwards in time at a rapid pace. I was back in LA and here at the same time. I was unable to remember the last time I had felt so alive. I was starting to wonder if this feeling was ever going to wear off.

Something to note: the last time I snorted Adderall I had also been on a light tranquilizer to ease my anxiety. So, maybe that was the problem. Maybe I needed a bit more balance.

Another thing: I wasn't this freaking paranoid.

But, maybe that was because I cared about how my actions would affect those closest to me. Maybe it was just because I loved someone, and that someone had an addict for a father and a shit ton of anxiety. Even if he found it hard to admit the last part, it was there.

"C'mon, let's get out of here."

Annoyance tainted JJ's voice, his jaw locking when I told him, "Maybe in a few minutes, I should probably say goodbye to Camille."

"Fuck Camille."

Regardless, I found her in the crowd, talking with Laurie and Cleo. "Hey guys," I sang, "I think I'm going to head out, I'll see you all tomorrow?"

"What? Why?" Camille cried out, "We were having so much fun!"

The night had been fun, sorta, as after caving to Camille's little upper I felt alright to drink a little more, which I guess made me more enjoyable to talk to (at least, according to Camille, that was). I wasn't quite able to recount the past few hours, as most of it seemed to blur together.

I didn't know how to respond to Camille as she continued to protest and whine, so I gestured to JJ in hopes she might understand. Whether JJ knew what I was trying to do or not, I felt his arm as he pulls me away, successfully giving Camille the impression that we were off to fuck. Her expression changes to something more manageable,  with her lip turning up to form a smirk, "Oh, alright. I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course."

"Easy now," she laughs, giving me a small hug, my gaze shifting to Laurie as he also bids his goodbyes.

But, as he hugged me, I couldn't help but feel like something was off with him as well.

I almost ask JJ if we should say goodbye to everyone else, but, the words die in my throat as I catch a glimpse of his expression. So, the two of us walk in silence, the sound of people partying slowly getting quieter and quieter until all that I can hear is our footsteps as they echo off of the pavement. Which sounded so much louder than it probably was, but everything was heightened in the worst way, and I kept opening my mouth to speak, only to close it seconds later when I chicken out.

I probably looked like a fish out of water.

I probably looked a little deranged.

It's only when JJ's place comes into view that I hear JJ speak up, his voice softer than I thought it would be. "You okay?"

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?" He asks me again, his pace slowing as we get to the front steps of the house to let me go in front of him. I do my best not to look back, and find myself nodding as I feel him watching the back of my head.