Metamorphose (OBX S3 book III JJ fan fiction)

NINETEEN

Warning: drug use/abuse and overdose
————————————————————————————————————

"It's going to be okay," she tried to assure me, but, once we got settled in, and Laurie made sure we didn't need anything else, reality set in. There was no way I could do this, and all I'd be doing was hurting myself more.

Who cares if he thought I was crazy, right?

My gaze was fixed on the ceiling, and I knew without even turning my head that Sarah had gone to bed as she slept beside me. The two of us had chosen to share the bed in Laurie's spare bedroom, yet no matter how comfortable it was, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for me to just close my damn eyes and get a few hours of sleep.

Was I crazy?

It was so hard to tell these days like I couldn't tell what symptom came from what problem, like I was solving a math equation and the numbers were all jumbled. So, as if on instinct, I decided that I had been wrong, that I should just go home to JJ, that I was overcomplicating it all, that maybe I was crazy; and maybe I just needed to accept it. That I wasn't always the best person to decide what was in my best interest.

Slowly I sat up, taking a moment to make sure Sarah was still sound asleep beside me before hastily wiping the tears that had practically drenched my face away and slipped out from under the covers.

I grabbed my brother's car keys as I made my way to the door, only noticing once I got to the vehicle and started the engine that my mind had gone totally blank like it was choosing to not think about where I was going. I was choosing to ignore the sickly sort of feeling that washed over me as I crossed over the bridge and officially entered into the cut like I was doing something I knew I shouldn't be.

I feel my brother's car pick up some dirt as I accidentally let it sway off the edge of the road, the terrain pulling the car to the point where I have to focus and get it back onto the asphalt. My heart beats a little faster, and I do my best to focus a little more now, as the moment reminded me that I was driving a motorized vehicle, which I could crash at any moment.

Luckily, I find The Chateau with no other moments of oversight, though, I do twist my ankle when I stumble out of the car and gracelessly stumble to the ground. I let myself sit there for a moment or so, and in doing so, I let all the paranoia creep in and overwhelm my thoughts until I'm grabbing a fistful of dirt to pull myself back to my senses, hastily getting to my feet.

The door had been pried open, so all I had to do was step through the frame and I was inside. I instinctively grab the handle, wondering if I should close the door as it was probably letting all sorts of critters inside, but decide it had probably been left open for a reason, most likely because it allowed for a breeze to cool the house down. As I stood there, thinking about all of this, I heard my name coming from the other room. I turn, only to realize I wasn't being called, but rather, mentioned mid-conversation. This, obviously, creates a whole new set of problems, as I'm now frozen trying to figure out if I should just walk in, or wait for this conversation about me to be over.

"Maybe it's about practice, you know?" It was Kiara's voice, my head craning to see into the room from where I was standing; "Obviously it's going to be hard to change the routine you've fallen into, but, over time it might get easier."

JJ shifts in his seat, a silent tear sliding down my face as I take in his appearance and find that he looks worse than I did, a hollow expression with an emptiness in his eyes, a look that I've never seen to this extent before. He's muttering something that I don't quite catch, then realize that he's just repeating the same thing, over and over again. "It's the only way."