The True Archbishop of Envy (Re:Zero)

RE: Freedom of a Nightmare

AN:
- Welcome to chapter two, if you made it this far, I guess I haven't completely flopped this series yet lol. I thank you for reading from the bottom of my heart.
- Ah, I wasn't really sure about this chapter while writing to be perfectly honest. I might rewrite it in the future if it doesn't go along with my plans. I'll let you guys know!
- Any reviews are really, really, really welcome. I appreciate any feedback I get when I write.

"Elsa...!"

As his insides spurned forward, barely holding against his leaking body, he muttered out her name. In aggression, agony, and hostility that didn't even hold any meaning at this point, he held his eyes toward her malignant frame with a gleam that suggested he hadn't given up—even as his body curled into a fetal position.

"ELSAAAA!!" He screamed.

His body was about to finally call him back to that ambiguous pit of black, but he couldn't feel more rage. A venomous look, aimed towards that woman in lascivious black garb, who stared back at him with some kind of twisted lust. No matter how many times he redid this scene, he'd never feel calm looking at her.

She was his obstacle, an inevitable villain for the meek person he was bringing here. A deadly force that could not be swayed simply by any amount of powerful emotions or intelligence. A reality check In order to become a man who can be worthy of Satella, he spurred himself forward into action—not once, but almost one hundred times. He knew and recognized this.

His vision began to sway as his mouth bled like a fountain. His body was lying on a thin thread of life and death, making a final struggle against the inevitable. Yes, it was painful. So painful, he felt like cursing whatever god sent him here for the eighty-eighth time. But the boy felt sorry for his body, struggling so hard for a person who didn't even try to protect it. What else could he use to protect his future, to protect Satella, to protect Felt, and to protect Rom? He had nothing but his own life.

In his last breath, he stared at Satella's lifeless body next to his, clinging to a dying Felt. The boy couldn't help but smile. The thief hired to take her insignia was held so tightly like she was Satella's own child, all so she could live a couple seconds longer. Through every loop, her nature never changes.

He was a man who was nothing, given another opportunity to start anew for a reason he could never know. To his benefactor, the person who sent him here in the first place, how was this a new chance for him to be a better person? No matter how many times he'd contemplated his purpose, he was left with the same answer he had on earth. Emptiness. A life without cause and effect, spent laughing at his own degenerate day-to-day patterns.

This silver-haired girl's nature was so pure compared to his. While he had to overcome this trial time and time again to prove his worth to the world, Satella deserved none of it. He knew this, and that's why he'd save her. He was the only one who had to experience all the pain and suffering. He was the only one who had to sin. Subaru Natsuki would save this good-natured girl from the evil she was surrounded by.

"I'll save you. No matter how many times it takes."

He reaffirmed his promise for the 88th time as his consciousness faded from this world and into another.

He wondered if the meaning of those words was starting to fade.

***

"What's the matter, boy? You look like you've seen a ghost."

There's a dead expression on his face. With a squint in his right eye, the sun gleamed onto his shaky form, illuminating the dark blotches underneath his eyelids. Standing in the middle of a crowd of busy merchants and customers, there was a Subaru. He had a look of indifference—not sad or mentally unstable as he'd been other times. He was just unable to think of anything else.

Another loop.

Another failure.

Another opportunity.

"A neverending checkpoint." He muttered slowly.

He still needed to find a solution. How could this possibly end? How could he possibly defeat Elsa? A demonic woman with ten times the strength and speed of any top athlete he'd ever seen or heard of—conceivably even more. His strength and even his resolve could not compete with hers. He didn't understand how her mind worked. He couldn't stop her from greeting Satella beforehand, knowing how important the insignia was to the half-elf girl. He couldn't even stop Felt from swiping the object away from her. Subaru's mind was nothing more than a big loop back to zero.

He knew almost nothing after so many chances to retry.

As he held his trembling, thin hands in front of his face, the young man saw the result of his life. What he wanted from this world was so farfetched, so far into a future of hundreds, no, millions, of loops of pain that he didn't even want to think of them. That man at the end of the rainbow with Satella at his hip and a chip on his shoulder—was he really worth that effort? What it took to become the man of his dreams was literally his death, over and over again. Slowly but surely, he started to wonder if this place was even another world at all. Perhaps this was hell, a prison for shut-ins like him.

"W-whoa. "Are you sure you're okay, son?" The old ape shopkeeper grew concerned as he watched the boy's face crack.

Subaru's brow furrowed. His pupils dilated, convulsing like he was mad with anger—but he wasn't. As streams of water rolled onto his shivering lips, he found himself with a bright smile on his face. A jolt went down his spine as he realized it. Like a needle just bursting his heart wide open, a single thought trickled into his world of unanswered questions.

What was Satella's real name?

That was a single crack at his shield that broke it all. After all the information he trove life and death for, he hadn't even gained enough trust from Satella to find out her real name. All the deaths hadn't led him to a single place.

Nothing changed.

Over his shoulder, he smelled a familiar scent of sweet fruits. In the right side of his eye, he caught a glimpse of a familiar silver object, breathing life into the air as it waved through. He felt the breeze of a person walking with all the confidence in the world. He knew who it was. He knew he wanted to greet her and repeat the day he had with her eighty-eight more times.

But he didn't turn around this time.