I have loved you for what feels like years. And now that I know how we both feel about each other I have so many things to write about. When I first started to like you, I would talk about it with our old friend. However, you told me that it was very obvious that I liked you. All of our friends knew because I couldn't keep the pain that was engulfing inside myself a secret any longer, but I also knew I couldn't tell you right away. If I had told you, I was afraid that our friendship would be damaged and it wouldn't be the same as it was. That's why I told you when I did, even though I knew that you knew how I felt, it would've been too painful to see you leave the dance.
During the dance, I was trying to come up with the best time, the best place to tell you, how you were going to react, and how I was going to word it. But when I told you, I didn't think about that. I only thought about what my heart wanted to say, And I have to admit, the way I told you, was not what I was expecting to say. Even with my heart telling me what to say, I still fumbled over my words and made myself feel like an idiot for telling you. I wanted to run away. I wanted to never speak to you again because I was scared of your reaction. If it was going to be harsh or just a look of anger, maybe even disappointment. I didn't want to know. But a voice in the deepest part of my head told me to stay. It told me that you would never do that. That you would be understanding. That you would to talk to me about it. And you did. You stayed and talked to me about it. And to this day, I still think about how I could've worded it differently. To make my words have more meaning. But I have realized that my actions had meaning to them and that I shouldn't be worried about that anymore.
When we danced together I remember trying to hide my face which was beginning to lighten with a deep blush. I remember asking our friend when the right time would be to ask you to dance with me. She said to ask casually, I told her no and that wasn't going to work, or that I would sound suspicious. So like a weirdo, I played it off as if I was sad that I didn't have a partner to dance with. But I ended up sounding suspicious anyway. After that night, I was hoping to be able to respond every time you make me flustered, but as you can tell, I never know what to say, even over text. When you text me such pretty and meaningful things, I always try to come up with a response to keep our conversation going, but I usually just say something short and sweet. I've realized that I'm not good at saying how I feel. I like to express how I feel through actions. And most of the time I just want to hug you, as a way of showing how I feel. Multiple times throughout writing this, I've had to stop and think about how I should put my feelings into words. But you are a great writer and author and when I read the poem you made for me, I feel so much emotion and meaning behind your words. I couldn't help but tear up a little bit.
And I'm just so, I don't even know how to explain it, (ugh the irony) but I guess I could say that I'm very happy that I was able to make someone feel such great emotion. To conclude this letter, the only thing I have left to say is, when I confessed to you and I said "Hey, I really like you" I meant, "After all this time of being best friends, I have to confess that I don't just like you, I truly love you and I have for some time" - Yours Truly- Oliver.
(Francis)
