Ena Shinonome ~ Life or Death

That day pt1

Anyway, back to that day, I had brought back my newest art piece. My mind was clouded with worry but I blocked it all out because I was proud of it and that's all that matters right?I was really proud of it. It was Amia in a field of pink blossom trees floating down on them whilst they had the prettiest pink and white frilly dress on I loved it and wanted to show it off to everyone especially my father maybe he'd be proud of me for once maybe he'd like my art maybe I could get just a "well done kid" he was an artist so his approval meant the world to me although I didn't know what to expect as he never had anything good to say about my art he thought it was a waste of time and money me always painting, drawing, cutting, making collages I just wanted to be as good as him to be admired by people worldwide for people to know MY name not just "the daughter of some famous artist". His anger he always pushed on me probably led to me having anger issues myself something I'm not proud of I hate how I took after him it caused me to snap at the people I love and destroy half my art as I didn't think it was good enough as I was never told it was from him the famous artist of the family. I showed him my heart and my heart shattered into a 1000 pieces when he just flat out said. " Ena I've told you so many fucking times I don't and will never care about your fucking art, YOU WILL NEVER BE BIG so stop trying to be like me you will fail and you won't be allowed to come back to me as I won't take back a stupid failure like you". He'd said things like this before but this time I just snapped I screamed back at him
"COULD YOU JUST BE A GOOD FATHER FOR ONE DAY IN YOUR LIFE COULD YOU BE PROUD OF ME OF MY ACOMPLISHMENTS COULD YOU COMFORT ME WHEN IM UPSET OF DOES THAT JUST NEVER CROSS YOUR MIND OR ARE YOU JUST A CRUEL HUMAN BEING PUT ON THIS PLANET TO TORTURE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU!" I instantly regretted my words but I didn't care I couldn't, tears were streaming down my face. Now I could barely see but I could hear my father mutter.
"You see that's the problem Ena you have all this anger and you take it out on me when you know the issue is yourself your the problem and that's why you are crying right now because you know it's not my fault it's yours it's your bad skills that I can't be proud of because they'll never be worthy enough to make you money so that you can move out one day and leave me the fuck alone."

His words hurt me he'd often told me things like this before but never to this extent I could tell he resented me his only daughter he didn't believe in me he never would and I guess I'd have to learn to live with that even though that was what hurt me most bottling up my emotions I'd learnt to stop that recently but now my emotions just come out in either sadness or anger towards anyone and everyone. His words hit me like bullets every time and a girl can only take so many bullets before falling apart and shattering into a million pieces which was exactly how I felt a target being shot over and over again before it finally breaks and is replaced by a new target that's improved I guess my disappearance would allow him to find a better daughter whom he could be proud of something he could never do for me.

I couldn't answer. I knew he was right and I could tell he wanted me gone. I was a waste of space to him and it would be better if I was dead. I guess I wasn't meant to live.

I hurried to my room, tears still streaming from my eyes. I didn't want to talk to anybody. Not anyone. Well maybe Amia but she was the one person I couldn't speak to. God why was I so alone? Why am I so pathetic? I get why I've been bullied all my life because nothing about me is good at all. My one passion is a failure and my one love has been banned and I have no way of contacting them now my whole life was falling apart and I was to blame for it. I was to blame for everything. My life was to blame for every issue I and my Friends have ever faced. I feel sorry for them how could I allow myself to be such a hindrance towards them and everyone else in my pathetic excuse of a life.