Ena Shinonome ~ Life or Death

The rooftop

I'd lied when I said I was going to the bathroom. I wasn't. I was going to the rooftop where I could gaze at the stars and forget about everything wrong in my life. I sit there I'd become quite happy when it came to stargazing I heard it was good way to relieve stress and relax and I guess it did work every time i would come up here I would feel better ever so slightly and thats better than nothing I guess. I'd always been fascinated by the sky and the moon and I would often paint the skies as I found them so beautiful so me coming up here really helped me to relax a little even if it was for just a brief period it gave me more confidence.

After a while of sitting up here I felt a bit bored I was surprised nobody had found me up here yet its not like anyone would care enough for me to even bother checking. I know I wouldn't so I don't know why I expect anyone to come up here to find pathetic little Ena doin absolutely nothing with her life yet look up to the skies above her. That's when the thoughts came back to me again the thoughts of pain. The thoughts of suicide. I mean going up here just kind of confirmed my thoughts nobody cares about me nobody's bothered about me nobody's even realised I haven't gone back to class in 40 minutes I'm just invisible to everybody unless I'm a target for bullying and it was just too much. I start thinking agin about everything I have done wrong in my life about everything I'd like to have changed about how if I hadn't done something maybe things would have had an entirely different outcome yk things like that. I love the butterfly effect but hate it at the same time it fills me with so much regret it makes me want to change everything in my life makes me want to live a new life the life i would I've if I hadn't made that one bad decision. Well there's been a lot more than 1 it feels there's been millions. It feels my whole life had been a mistake. Maybe I'm the mistake.

Yet again I'm stuck in my trail of thought I guess thats the one thing I'm good at getting stuck in my own depressing thoughts. Then again I wouldn't get stuck in them if I didn't think they were true. Maybe they are right. Maybe I'm right maybe I was put on the planet because god wanted to punish me. Who am I kidding I'm not even religious and if there is a god I doubt he's as good as people say because I don't believe a dolly figure could put me through all this torture of being me. That the issue I'm Ena Shinonome an absolute failure who's own mother couldn't even stay to watch her grow up and her father who seems to hate her own existence and probably doesn't even care for her life.

I think about all this for a second ad realise everything thats gone wrong is my fault so thats when I give in I'm, crying and crying as I gaze at the beauty of the stars above me as I quickly take all of the 4 packets of paracetamol I had previously stored in my pocket as I'd thought abou this multiple times before. I became extremely dizzy after that my head pounding more and more every second before I completely blacked out and became unaware of my surroundings.