Iron, Neon Lights & Weed

21

A half an hour later Ryan stands in my living room.

"So this is where you live?" he comments awkwardly. I drop my keys on the table by the door and follow Ryan in.

"Yeah, it's not exactly your penthouse," I shrug, "but we're not all filthy rich."

"It's kind of...small," he observes.

I think Ryan is confused by this unfamiliar environment, but I think he looks pleased as well. Maybe he is pleased to see where I live.

"This is my bedroom," I continue and open the door. Ryan follows me in and I switch the light on, closing the door behind us.

"It looks like you," Ryan tells me as he takes in the posters and CDs and clothes. I'm not exactly the cleanest of people.

I ignore the mess and focus on facts: I am alone in my bedroom with Ryan. Fuck.

I immediately feel nervous but remember what Jon told me. Ryan came to me, so he has admitted he has feelings for me. I am not alone in this thing with him and me. There's a thing, a mutual thing. There better be anyway.

"Why are we here?" I ask Ryan.

"I thought that was obvious," he smiles sexily.

"There are things we need to talk about."

"Such as?" Ryan asks and quirks an eyebrow at me.

I guess I'll have to go first here.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I thought I was going to get the record deal, but you never promised me anything. You didn't deserve it, and I'm sorry," I tell him sincerely.

Ryan looks more than surprised by my apology. "Oh. Alright," he says. "I'm sorry I yelled back. Can we get to it now?"

I'm not done yet, there are still a million things we need to talk about, but Ryan is already kissing me. I stumble forward as he pulls me from my shirt. Ryan spins me around and we fall on my bed with me beneath him. Ryan doesn't taste like weed tonight, and he doesn't taste like alcohol. He tastes like him.

I kiss him back and our tongues battle fiercely. And once again my body is good to go, telling me to go with it and slowly filling with anticipation. But I spend too much time listening to my dick.

I break the kiss, panting slightly and focus my eyes on Ryan's face. Ryan looks unhappy I stopped us.

"What?" he asks, his eyes searching for an answer impatiently.

"Is this...is this just sex? Because if it is...I need to know," I manage to say.

Ryan looks at me like I am insane to be thinking of such things at a time like this. But, I think he sees the urgency and most likely anguish in my gaze because the smirk in his eyes is replaced by something more serious.

"It's not," he finally whispers.

"Then what is it?" I ask him a little breathlessly.

Ryan looks troubled and rolls off me. I rise on my elbows to look at him lying next to me. Ryan keeps his eyes on the ceiling.

"I really like you," I tell him, almost whispering it.

Ryan doesn't flinch; he stays motionless on the bed. After a while he sighs. "I didn't know it was your first time...I wouldn't have if I had known."

We both remain silent. I'm too embarrassed to say anything. I hadn't planned on telling Ryan that he took my virginity, and yelling it to his face in the middle of a fight was definitely not the smoothest way of telling it to him either.

Ryan lets out a small laugh. "I don't do this. I don't lie on boys' beds and talk about my feelings."

"Is it so bad?" I ask quietly.

"I know what you want...but I don't know if I can give it," Ryan says. "I can't...I don't know how to be that person."

I remain quiet and defeated. Ryan can't do this thing with him and me. Maybe he wants to, maybe he doesn't, it hardly matters if his answer is no.

"I haven't...I don't...I don't know how to do this. Maybe I should just go," Ryan finally mutters, and makes a move to get up.

"Please don't," I beg him. If he goes now it'll all be for nothing. If he goes now it'll all be lost. I turn to my side, closer to him and let my hand rest on Ryan's stomach. Ryan looks at me briefly and he doesn't look like himself. He's in my bed, and he looks uncomfortable and anxious.

"I like you," I repeat. "I don't give a damn about your connections to any label. I liked you the moment I saw you. I honestly didn't know who you were, and when I found out it only complicated things...it made it harder for me to get what I wanted. And I wanted you. Here with me, just like this," I blurt out because Jon's advice is good and all, but sometimes the only thing I can do is hand my heart over on a plate.

I quickly continue. "And that night when we...I made a mistake and regretted it, but it didn't cha -"

"Brendon," Ryan says authoritatively, and I instantly bite my tongue. I said too much again, he thinks I'm an overly-emotional, babbling freak. "I want it too," he says quietly, "I've wanted it for a while now."

My heart skips a beat in shock and excitement and something ridiculously warm. "You have? But I...I thought you didn't...care or..."

Ryan sighs again, refusing to look at me and nervously runs his fingers through his hair. "I know, I've just...never...felt...this way about anyone, I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to do. I thought you were a pretty face, but after the masquerade I thought about you all the time, and so I...pushed you away."

"You...thought about me?" I ask shyly.

Ryan laughs a little. "Yeah. A lot," he says like he can hardly believe it himself. I don't interrupt him, but let him talk. "And I had business in New York, and that was good timing because I got to clear my head a bit, you know? When I got back I thought I had gotten over it, the...thing. And so I took you home to prove how you didn't mean anything to me. But I just realised I was more fucked than I had thought. And I pushed you away again, and you just...kept coming back," he says quietly.

I stay still on the bed, my hand frozen on Ryan's stomach where it moves up and down as Ryan breathes. "And yesterday, when I saw you with Jon...fuck, Brendon," Ryan sighs and shakes his head a little.

He looks at me, and the uncertainty that was on his features a minute ago is gone. Now he looks determined and my heart skips a beat.

"You better be mine now," Ryan states. He rises to his elbows and our faces are inches apart. "Because if you aren't, I'll end up going insane."

I stare at him, my ears hardly believing the words I'm hearing. But Ryan's other hand is already behind my head and our lips are touching. My mind is spinning as Ryan pulls me closer to him, partly pulling me on top of him.

The kiss is slow; our lips barely touch. Ryan deepens the kiss with a needy sigh, and his fingers curl in my hair. My hand caresses his cheek and I'm pretty sure I can live with being Ryan's. I'm pretty damn sure I can do that.

Ryan breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes. He is breathing heavily and his fingertips press against my lips. He stares at me with the similar kind of awe I usually look at him with. I gently kiss his fingertips, wanting to kiss every inch of his skin.

Ryan pulls me to him again with me still partly on top of him, and this time our tongues meet. His hand is pressed against my chest, slowly moving against the beating of my heart as our lips crash together with increasing passion. Hot waves of need and lust circle in my veins, and my skin begins to feel sensitive wherever Ryan's fingers touch it.

I shiver as Ryan's hands slowly begin to roam on my back. He pulls my shirt up slightly, exposing bare skin on my lower back. His hands travel downwards to the edge of my jeans, his thumbs snaking their way between the denim and skin.

Ryan proceeds to move his hands between us, unbuckling my belt and unzipping my jeans. He does all of this without having to look down. I help him to get my jeans off, and soon am lying on top of him in my grey boxers. In another minute, Ryan's jeans are on the floor too. His erection is pressing against me through his boxers, and the feel of it stirs something dark inside of me. But I'm not in a hurry.

I pull my shirt off hastily, wanting to concentrate on the boy beneath me. I leave wet kisses on Ryan's neck, trace my tongue over his Adam's apple and gently suck on his earlobe as I begin to unbutton his dress shirt. Every inch of his skin feels like a gift, a new present for me to explore first with my fingers, then with my lips, and finally with my tongue.

Ryan's hands trace over my bare back and occasionally tug at my hair. He inhales sharply as I suck on his left nipple a little too hard. I smile to myself as I keep going downwards, stopping every now and then to lick and kiss his smooth skin. When I have all the buttons undone I slide the shirt off Ryan's shoulders, and he now has only black boxers on.

Ryan is letting me take control of the situation, and I am definitely fine with that. He says he wants this, he wants me, and just for that I could kiss him for the rest of my life.

I continue kissing his lower stomach, moving my tongue in circles against his warm skin. Ryan's breathing is getting heavier and heavier, and I can feel his skin trembling beneath my touch. I remove his boxers and I've seen Ryan naked before, but this is new and different. He is so beautiful. I move back up and kiss him again while letting my fingertips dance over his erection.

Almost automatically Ryan spreads his legs, and almost automatically I move my hand to his inner thighs, my fingertips lightly teasing his sensitive skin. Ryan sighs against my lips and moves his hips upwards a little. My breathing gets heavier as I'm filled with anticipation. Ryan's tongue is hot in my mouth, and all of his movements are telling me to go on with it. I move from on top of him and take off my boxers.

Before I lose my ability to think, my hand leaves Ryan's bare skin and fumbles towards the nightstand next to the bed. I pull the top drawer open and somehow manage to find the bottle of lube. I bring my hand back and I keep my eyes locked with Ryan's as I open the lube and pour some on my fingers.

"Have you ever topped before?" Ryan asks me as he breathes heavily.

"Yeah, I've, yeah," I tell him, "back in high school, I...yeah, uh, I know what I'm doing," I blurt out and try to sound convincing.

"Ok," Ryan murmurs and exhales, closing his eyes. Ryan spreads his legs even wider and ok, I know what I'm doing. I've done this to a guy before. Once. But he loved it and, from what I gathered, I certainly didn't disappoint him. But this is Ryan, this is different...oh god.

I let my hand move in between Ryan's legs, and I reach down between his pale cheeks. To hide my nervousness, I begin to kiss Ryan's abdomen and I try my best not to fuck this up. I don't spend time teasing, but push my index finger inside of him. Ryan lets out a moan and moves his hips a little. I gently suck on his skin and push my finger in and out a few times before I add a second. Ryan moans louder and thrusts against my hand.

Oh sweet Jesus, Ryan is tight. I won't last five minutes inside him. No, no, I have to stop thinking and just go with what feels right. But god, he feels good around my fingers. I start fucking Ryan with my fingers and dare myself to move upwards on his body. I begin teasing his nipples with my lips. I look up and Ryan has his head tilted back, and I love the small moans he's making.

"Oh fuck, Brendon," Ryan groans when I add a third finger.

We start a slow rhythm where I move my fingers in and out of Ryan, who moves his hips to meet me. I know Ryan probably doesn't need this much prepping, he is definitely not a virgin. But it's more for me, for me to get used to this. And here goes nothing...I curl my fingers in hopes for a reaction.

"Aaah, shit," Ryan breathes and his hips jerk.

"Yeah?" I ask and do it again. I look up at Ryan and he's just nodding his head, his lips slightly parted with his eyes closed, and he looks angelic. And the look on his face when my fingers curl up against his prostate, it's something to be seen. The way a small sound escapes his throat, he jerks slightly, the momentary flash of pleasure on his features, and I'm just happy to know I'm causing it. It fucking turns me on to know I'm causing it.

I'm so fascinated with this whole, new territory I get lost in it. I try curling up one finger at a time, pressing all three. I try pressing him with one whilst scissoring him with the others, and Ryan's hips are really moving now, really fucking against my fingers. And Ryan's moans are louder and I just watch him in awe.

"Fuck, I can't hold on forever," Ryan moans breathlessly, and I realise that I was supposed to replace my fingers with my cock...I don't know, five minutes ago?

I quickly pull my fingers out and move up to breathe a mumbled "Sorry" against Ryan's neck. Ryan is sweating slightly, is breathing unevenly and, god, he is letting out these small whimpers.

I reach out for the drawer again, and grab a condom. I clutch the condom in my hand and try not to be distracted by the feel of Ryan's slender fingers caressing my cock. My hands are shaking as I try to open the wrapper. These fucking stupid, little things. I pull it open with my teeth and quickly roll it on my cock, and, god, Ryan is devouring me with his gaze.

Ryan takes the lube from where I threw it on the bed, and he spreads some on my latex-covered erection. Just the feel of Ryan's hands on me makes me inhale sharply. Then Ryan lies back and then his legs are curled up and then, oh god, then I'm positioning myself.

I press myself against his entrance, and I lean down to kiss Ryan. He's breathing hard as he looks into my eyes and brushes hair away from my forehead. Ryan captures my bottom lip between his lips and I close my eyes and push forward.

We both let out a groan as I push inside of Ryan. And all I can think of is how tight Ryan is, because my cock is surrounded by pulsating warmth, and I already feel like I could come. I lean down, biting onto Ryan's salty skin and calming down. I push in the rest of the way, and Ryan just groans. I'm so deep inside of him. I forget what I'm feeling, the overwhelming pleasure, and try to focus on making Ryan come. I better make him fucking come.

I move my hips a little, seeing how exactly this works again. I experimentally begin to thrust in and out. Ryan is kissing me anywhere he can, he's moaning my name and, oh shit, shit, shit, I have to get him off because I cannot last. Ryan feels too fucking good.

Ryan's other hand settles in my hair, firmly taking a hold of it. He is pushing against me and together we find a rhythm that works. I speed up my movements and...should I touch him already or would that be too soon? No, no, prostate, god, am I even hitting his prostate?

I reposition myself slightly and thrust in again. And –

"Uh, fuuuck, god, oh shit, oh fuck," Ryan blurts out and I feel him clenching around my cock slightly. I am naturally good at this, or I am just in luck.

I begin thrusting in harder and deeper than before and Ryan's fingernails are scratching my sweaty back. His kisses are getting sloppier, and his hands are wandering and touching every bit of my skin they can reach. Ryan is slowly losing control and I fucking love it.

Just then Ryan starts incoherently mumbling my name over and over, and that has to be a good sign. I reach down between us and wrap my fingers around Ryan's cock. Ryan's moans become louder, and he's shaking and his eyes are closed; I know Ryan is about to come. With every thrust, a low grunt emerges deep from my throat and at this point I just stop analysing what I'm doing. I let my hand stroke Ryan's length, and I let my cock brush over Ryan's prostate and I let myself moan and curse because this is the best, most intense sex I've ever had.

"Oh god Ryan, I can't, I'm - "

"Ohfuckohfuck I know, I - "

Ryan cries out and his body tenses beneath me. His come spills on my hand, and his muscles clench around my cock. And I come a second after him, filling the condom with my semen. I gasp for breath, shuddering slightly. Ryan is letting out quiet, long moans as the aftershocks wash over him, and, to me, it almost sounds like purring.

My hips gently move in and out a few times more before they come to a still. I'm panting against Ryan's ear, my chest rising and falling as my body still shakes a little.

"Christ... Brendon, that..." Ryan manages to say.

"Yeah," I murmur, my voice hoarse and worn out.

Ryan reaches for my lips and I push my tongue into his hot mouth, needing to taste him. Ryan kisses me back just as passionately, and I wait for a few minutes before I gently pull out of him. I remove the condom, tie it and throw it away before I collapse next to Ryan.

"Tissues?" Ryan asks.

"Oh, yeah...hang on," I mutter and turn back to the nightstand and find tissues after a quick search. Ryan and I both clean ourselves up and get under the covers.

"C'mere," Ryan murmurs quietly, his breathing still uneven. He doesn't have to ask twice.

We snuggle up together and, ok, there was definitely none of this the last time. Ryan's arm wraps around me and he's breathing in my damp hair. I let my other hand rest on his chest and Ryan is radiating warmth.

Everything is Ryan. All of my thoughts, senses, feelings...I am fucking lost in him in this moment on my bed. Ryan's hands are softly moving on my skin.

"Was that...?" I begin, but am unsure how to finish the sentence. Mind-blowing for you too? "Was that...alright?" I ask a bit timidly.

"Yeah," Ryan nods, his voice low, "that was...definitely."

Ok, good. I take a deep breath before speaking again. "Is this - "

"Fucking yes it is," Ryan tells me and my stomach does flip-flops.

My face splits into a grin, and suddenly I realise I'm quietly laughing against Ryan's skin. Laughing because I have never, never felt this happy in my whole life. Ryan looks down at me with a confused expression, and I just reach up to kiss him. He kisses me back.

Yeah. I realise that, from now on, Ryan will kiss me back.

We stay like that on the bed for an immeasurable period of time, and when we pull back for air I think I can hear Ryan murmuring, "Mine." It's the most beautiful word I have ever heard.