His Forever

4

'There's nothing more beautiful than when you prove to yourself just how strong you are.'

I gave a small timid nod, hoping he couldn't sense my nervousness and took a seat. I watched as he made his way around the table and sat opposite.

I could feel his intimidating eyes on me and I was admittedly too scared to look up.

"Let's eat", he said, gesturing towards the food on the table and waiting for me to take some on my plate first.

My hands were shaking from under the table and I couldn't help but start to scratch my wrist.

I knew this would happen soon. The anxiety would set in and he would realise that I'm not normal.

That I'm a freak.

I can't even sit and have dinner with the man, how is this going to look in his eyes.

I'm pathetic.

Realising my lack of response, he spoke again. "Hey, it's fine. There's lots of choices, why don't I pick out some of my favourites for you to try?", he suggested, picking up my plate and putting different food items on it.

I could tell that he was trying to make me feel better and I was so grateful for it.

He made me feel like a normal person, not someone who should be ashamed for feeling this way.

He finally finished putting food onto my plate and when he put it back down on the table in front of me, I couldn't wait to start eating.

I waited for him to get his plate ready and once he had gotten everything he wanted, we both began to eat.

It started off with a slightly awkward silence but a few minutes in, from the corner of my eye I could see he wanted to ask something.

"Y-You can ask me, you know", I said, putting my knife and fork down.

"Ask you what?", he asked, seeming surprised with my sudden statement.

"What you've been contemplating asking for the past five minutes", I replied shyly, all my confidence suddenly disappearing once I realised how rude I sounded.

"I'm sorr-", I began.

"You don't need to apologise. You're right, there was something I wanted to ask you but I wasn't sure if I could", he said, taking a sip of water.

"Ask away", I said quietly, picking my cuticles, another bad habit which I had accumulated over the years.

"Why do you hide yourself?", he asked, getting straight to the point.

"W-What do you mean?", I asked, confused and a bit scared of what he meant by that.

"Fuck, sorry, that came out wrong. What I was meant to say was that I couldn't find anything out about you. I do a background check on all my employees to make sure they have no links with the underground and stuff but when I looked you up, I couldn't find anything. It was like you didn't even exist. Why? You have such a great talent, why hide it? Why hide yourself?".

I just sat there frozen, unsure on how to respond.

I understood why he was asking those questions but I couldn't answer him.

My breathing got heavy and the scratching got so bad that I began to bleed under the table.

"Shit!", I whispered under my breath.

I knew what was going to happen, the feeling was no stranger to me.

"S-Sorry", I stammered out before getting up and running out of the room.

I ran up the stairs, my hand applying pressure to my wrist to stop it from bleeding even more.

The stinging was a familiar sensation to me but I knew it wasn't a good one.

Too much blood was coming out too fast.

After what felt like an eternity, I finally made it inside my room and locked the door, getting into the bathroom as quick as possible.

Opening up the drawer, I picked up the emergency stash of bandages I put in there earlier and ripped open the packet.

I ran my injured wrist under water before applying the bandage onto the wound, sighing in relief that I could no longer see the blood.

I couldn't even make it to my bed before I collapsed onto the floor and burst into tears.

My hand instantly flew to my mouth to muffle my sobs and my breathing intensified.

I fumbled around my pocket until I found my phone and through my blurry vision, I could just about to make out the contact on my phone I was looking for.

One ring. Two rings.

"Gio?"

"M-Mamma?", I whispered.

"Mio ragazzo coraggioso, stai bene? (My brave boy, are you ok?)", she replied back almost instantly.

"N-No...I did it a-again mamma. I-I'm so s-sorry", I whispered feeling so ashamed of myself.

"Gio, tesoro (sweetheart), you have nothing to apologise for! Have you washed it and bandaged it properly?", she asked worriedly on the other end of the phone.

I told her I had and she gave a sigh of relief.

"You're so brave, you know that right?", she said.

I could imagine her saying it to me as if she was right in front of me. I could see her kind smile and I could almost feel the comforting hug she would be giving me if I was back at home with her.

"No I'm not", I replied back quietly, the only other sound being the wind from outside and the sound of my rapidly beating heart.

"No, you don't get to say that about my son! He's so kind and generous, always being there for his family whenever they need him. He's so brave for stepping out of his comfort zone and moving to another place just so he can help other people. He's so strong for calling me and reaching out for help when he needs it. Sei così coraggioso, mio Gio (you're so brave, my Gio)", she said, sniffling back her tears.

"You can come back home if it's getting too much for you, but Gio, you're stronger than this. I know you're capable of great things and this is your opportunity to do them. I'll support you in whatever you choose, lo sai (you know that)", she said.

She's right.

This is my time.

I was called here for a reason. I'm the best at what I do and now I've got the opportunity to use it for something good.

"Grazie mamma. Ti amo (Thanks mamma. I love you)", I replied, using my sleeve to wipe my face.

"Ti amo, mio ragazzo coraggioso. (I love you, my brave boy)", she said before I ended the call.

The last thought in my mind before I went to sleep was that I'm stronger than this and I hoped that tomorrow would be a better day.