Triple Point

Chapter 93: Trust and Instincts

Camilla

20 AUG 34AE, 2130

After months of not seeing the sky, watching the sun set beneath the pristine snow-capped mountains should have been a sight to behold. But even as Camilla's eyes watched the bright rays begin to dip below the mountain peaks, she couldn't bring herself to feel anything.

While she had felt a pristine calm for several hours after her fit of rage, she was now left with nothing but an empty numbness that left her body feeling soulless. She had hoped the chilly twilight air would freeze the vacant space in her heart, or at least remind her of why she hated the cold so much. But it didn't.

In fact, all it did was make her hands and feet physically numb as well. Her jacket was at least made for the weather though, so Camilla buried her hands in its pockets and hoped they would thaw on their own. She didn't want to go back inside just yet, where everyone would be watching her every move, so she bundled up her jacket a little tighter and stomped her sneaker-clad feet in the snow a bit to shake some feeling back into them. Originally, she had told herself she would stay out there for as long as she could tolerate it, and that's what she was going to do.

"Did someone order a hot cocoa?" a voice suddenly broke the silent chill that had settled in the air.

Camilla jumped a little at Elsie's voice, and she couldn't keep her mind from going back several months to the cold white snowscape of her imagination, the warm mug filled with thick metallic cocoa, and the Elsie in her dreams that tried futilely to keep her warm. So she quickly turned to let the real Elsie fill her vision, hoping the sight of her would overpower her memories.

"Thanks," Camilla managed to stiffly say, and she reached to take the mug Elsie handed her.

But when her hands were mere inches from Elsie's, Camilla suddenly froze, and she yanked herself back before they could get any closer. She knew she was only imagining things, but she couldn't help but feel a warm sensation suddenly engulf her fingers. It was the same feeling she would get when she used her abilities, but she couldn't be sure if she was absorbing or expelling energy, even though it was unlikely that she was actually using her abilities at all. Either way, there was no way she could subject Elsie to any of that. Not again.

The resulting pained expression on Elsie's face made Camilla's heart ache, but Camilla still stuffed her hands back into the pockets of her jacket and lowered her gaze to the snow between their feet. It was safer this way, for the both of them.

"Camilla, I swear, you didn't hurt me," Elsie insisted.

Even though Camilla couldn't bring herself to use her abilities again, she didn't need them to know Elsie was telling the truth. Elsie would never lie to her, but it wasn't her that Camilla couldn't trust.

"I could have," Camilla whispered, wanting nothing more than to curl up within her jacket and shield herself from the world. Or rather, shield the world from herself.

"But you didn't," Elsie replied.

"And I didn't know I didn't," Camilla snapped as she raised her head stubbornly to meet Elsie's wide eyes, her tone a little rougher than she intended.

Belatedly, Camilla took a shaky breath, and she didn't continue until she had calmed. "I thought I had hurt everyone in the hallway. I thought I had made everyone feel... feel what I felt. I wanted to do that. Only after the fact did I worry that I had hurt you, and Hitomi, and everyone else that I hadn't wanted to suffer."

Camilla couldn't hold her emotions back any longer, and she let her face reveal her raw pain for Elsie to see. "How am I supposed to believe that I didn't hurt you when I didn't even try to protect you?"

For a moment, Elsie simply stared back at Camilla, before silently bending down to place the mugs carefully on the ground. When she stood up again, she took a slow step towards Camilla and stopped, letting Camilla back away if she wanted to. And Camilla stayed where she was, forcing herself to at least try and trust Elsie's decision.

"I think you did try to protect us, even if you didn't realize it," Elsie said. "Like... you don't have to think about breathing, do you?" When Camilla slowly shook her head, Elsie grinned. "See? Maybe that just means protecting the people you care about comes so naturally to you that you don't even need to think about it. You just do it instinctively."

Elsie's analogy made sense, but Camilla still had trouble wrapping her head around it. She supposed her perspective may have been skewed to begin with since she never realized what it was like to care that much about so many people. In fact, just over a year ago, there were probably only two people she would worry about that much.

When Elsie realized that a shrug was about as much of an acceptance that she was going to get from Camilla, she gave her a sympathetic smile and reached out a hand. While Camilla was still worried about hurting Elsie, she also trusted Elsie's judgement, and she tentatively slipped her own hand into Elsie's.

And the world didn't end.

With that, Camilla took the last few steps and nearly toppled Elsie over with her eager embrace. Elsie let out a surprised laugh, but she happily returned Camilla's hug with her own.

They stood like that for several minutes, neither of them wanting to move or speak. It had been a long day and it would probably be an even longer night, and it was primarily adrenaline and stress that were keeping them both awake. But their embrace relieved some of the tension that had kept Camilla restless, and when her body began to relax, so did her walls.

"I wanted to see her suffer," Camilla suddenly whispered, and the only indication that Elsie had heard her was the way Elsie suddenly stilled. "I wanted to see her feel what I felt." Camilla leaned back slightly so she could tentatively look at Elsie, and she hoped she wouldn't see what she feared she would. "Do you think it makes me a bad person? Do you think... does that make me like her?"

Like Hester? But Camilla couldn't bring herself to say her name in such context.

For a moment, Elsie was silent, and Camilla worried that she would be cast away for such a disgusting mindset. But eventually, Elsie gave her a soft, warm smile, and she brushed her fingers along Camilla's hair, tucking a few loose strands behind one of Camilla's ears.

"Just the fact that you're asking means that you're nothing like her," Elsie assured, and she ran a thumb gently across one of Camilla's cheekbones. "You're a good person, Camilla. And you have a good heart. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Elsie never lied to her, even if Camilla didn't believe her words herself. So Camilla simply nodded, trusting what Elsie said was the truth. And with that, she let her arms wrap tightly around Elsie again, allowing Elsie's warmth to sooth the numbness that had settled in her soul.

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