I was born like this; unable to feel anything.
I can't feel joy, or happiness. I can't feel sad or angry. I can feel physical things like pain and pleasure. But I can't feel emotions.
My parents never let me believe in childish things like the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. They knew it was just lies to get kids to behave. If parented properly, a child doesn't need incentives to behave themselves. So I grew up knowing that my parents were the ones buying me presents for Christmas with the money they earned, my parents were the ones that worked to provide for me, my parents were honest about everything.
Meanwhile, my elementary school peers would come back to school after Christmas break raving about what "Santa" got them for Christmas. I never told them the truth, knowing that they would just become the spoiled brats my parents taught me not to be without having to lie to me.
I never put the teeth I lost under my pillow for the "tooth fairy" to trade it for money. I never hunted colorful eggs the "Easter bunny" hid.
While my condition has its benefits, it also has its downfalls.
For instance, I did not feel the sorrow and grief my parents felt as their own parents passed, or that of my mother's when my father too passed, or that of my aunt's as my mother passed. I did not shed a tear, I did not need to take leave from my school or work as each of them did in turn. But nor did I feel the joy my cousins felt when their sister was married, or the exhilaration the rest of my family felt during family vacations to amusement parks or beaches.
I could feel their tears as they sobbed on my shoulders, I could feel the harsh metal of the rollercoaster carts as we were knocked around, and I could feel the sand beneath my feet as we walked along the shoreline.
As I said, benefits and downfalls.
I can fake them, the emotions, I've mastered it by now. I can smile convincingly when the rest of the family is cheerful, and I can put on an expression of thrill as the clock strikes midnight on new years.
But it's all empty.
Everything is empty.
Even my dreams.
I've never had a nightmare, and my dreams are always the same; walking, just walking. Never stopping, not knowing where I'm headed or where I've come from. Just walking, alone.
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So this is the opening to this.
I hope you like the rest.
YOU ARE READING
Let It Burn
Fanfiction"A hero will sacrifice you to save the rest of the world. A villain will let it burn to save you." Growing up, Milo feared nothing. She never had nightmares. She was never scared. Growing up, Milo believed in nothing. She never put a tooth unde...
