Dazai Angst

1

(3/23/23)
"Chuuya?

"Atsushi?

"Kunkikada?

"Kyoka?

"Chuuya?

"Yosano?

"Ranpo?

"Tanizaki?

"Chuuya?

"President Fukuzawa?

"Akutagawa?

"Odasaku?

"Chuuya?!"

You could hear the desperation in the brunette's voice as he stumbles through the debris, calling the names of his friends and co-workers, even those he knows definitely cannot answer. But you can hear him calling 'Chuuya' the most.

Messy brunette hair falls into dark chestnut eyes as he tries to balance himself on a high point to look around for everyone, but no such luck can be found on his side at this moment.

Dust is just settling from the fallen buildings, car alarms going off from the cars that had miraculously not been completely smashed in the wreckage and blood splatters are everywhere.

No. The brunette thought, panting heavily No! I cannot be the only one left! Yet he knew it was the truth. He had watched every last one of the people he cared for die slowly, in excruciating pain, and all he could do was watch. It felt to him as though he was being held behind a clear glass wall.

They were all able to see him. They were all able to see that he didn't do anything to aid them in their time of need. All of them had cried out for his help, reached out their hands to him in desperation, but all he could do was watch. The last thing always being them looking over at him and with the last of their strength mouthing or screaming the words 'I hate you' with such unbelievable hatred in their eyes it would chill anyone to the bone and make them believe their blood had been replaced with chilling ice water.

No. A stray tear slides down his cheek, one after the other, and then the sobs that were bubbling up broke free. They hated him. It was never his intention to allow that to happen, but it felt as though his feet were superglued to the ground while everyone was tortured and slowly brought to their death, leaving him unable to do anything.

But they actually hated him. Not the friendly 'I hate you' when you do something they don't necessarily approve of, but still find it funny, or the type you say lovingly to the other, or the type used in friendly arguments.

No. The type that actually means it. The seething hatred for another that one may feel they are unable to escape until the other is dead.

"NO!" The scream was so loud, so piercing, that even he wouldn't have believed it was coming from himself, had the burning of his already raw throat not been there.

He screamed and cried, aware that it does no more than waste what little strength he had left. But no longer did he care. Life had always been a struggle for him. He never understood the purpose of it and always wished for death. He has tried more times than not to kill himself, starting at a young age, at that. But he never achieved the peace he has longed for, for so very long. He thought he had finally found some type of reason in the world, even if he still wished to die, the feeling wasn't as strong as it used to be. But of course, he can never have anything good in life. Just as he was able to wrap his fingers around it, it had to be forcefully taken from his grasp. That is how it has always worked for him either way.

He is unsure of how long he cried, but he was in no time, out of energy and falls to the ground beneath him. I deserve this. Is his last thought before everything starts to go dark. I don't deserve to die. I deserve to suffer in pain for the consequences of my actions.

Chapter two??????

A/N
Heyo~! This is chapter one! I hope y'all like! I'm going to be calling this book the simple name of 'Dazai Angst' until someone helps me make a title because I suck at titles. (I literally have 100 untitled stories. No joke.) Please feel free to leave you comments on ideas, questions, spelling corrections or just simple comments! Also, feel free to comment any ideas on this paragraph and the ones with the most likes will be put into a raffle to see which one wins! Thank you!!!!!!!
~fublle

Shoutout to my friend and editor for dealing with me since I know it's hard to work with me lol. You should check them out! razarye_ I'd recommend reading their Hanahaki (or however you spell it) fic, it's absolutely AMAZING!