How I Met Your Mother

34 - I promised

natalie

"This music is familiar," Dad stood in my doorway, "Tupac was a favorite of ours."

"Dear Mama has a really good message. And I can relate to what he says in part of his song. You know because one of his parents is dead too?" That hurt him. I know it did. I shouldn't have said that.

I just don't know what to do. I have no idea what to fucking do.

It's been a week and I am just getting worse every fucking day.

He smiled a very soft smile. "I'm going to the store. Marshall is coming with me." He put his hand on the door knob, "Teddy and Mac are upstairs. Hey," He waited till I looked at him, "I'm sad too Natalie Rose." He walked out when I didn't respond.

I put her picture on my dresser. I was 13. And we came in first at state. My mom picked me up and that's when Dad snapped the photo. We looked so happy. She looked so happy.

I stared at the old glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. It's too bright in here for them to glow but they're still there.

The only thing that is keeping me sane are the speakers I got for my birthday. They are the type that shake the walls. They fit really well on the bookshelves where I store my records.

I walked out of my room and sat on the couch.

This is the coolest part of my house. I don't talk about it enough.

"Pizza is here." Teddy peaked his head around the corner.

"Not hungry." I am hungry. But every time I eat, I can't breathe. I feel like I don't deserve it.

"You've been not hungry for 3 days."

"Going to sleep." I walked towards my stairs.

"Can you please talk to me?" He came all the way down the stairs, "It's like you're blocking everyone out because of this."

I didn't look at him. I felt the tears brimming my eyes.

Her funeral is tomorrow.

Her fucking funeral is tomorrow.

"Do you not realize this is hurting me just as much as it's hurting you?" He voice broke, "She was my mom too Natalie."

I couldn't look at him.

I heard him pacing.

"God. Every time something bad happens, you shut me out. You shut the whole entire fucking world out." He took a deep breath and stopped moving, "You don't go to school and you won't let anyone come see you. You don't text anyone back. I just want you to talk to me!"

"What do you expect me to do!?" I turned and looked at him. "I don't know if I should be sad or angry at the world for taking away one of the only people who cared about me! I don't get it Ted!" I wiped my tears, "I don't get why she had to go. Why it couldn't be me or anyone else on the planet! It had to be mom. It just had to be her right?"

He looked at me, unable to keep the tears in. So he just sat crisscross on the floor, holding his head in his hands, "I promised her this wouldn't break us." He shook his head, "She made me promise her."

I just looked at him.

"I promised." He cried into his hands.

I have never seen my brother cry.

Ever.

I sat next to him, pulling him close to me. I am not sure what else to do.