(On Hiatus for Rewriting ) Tuca and Bertie: The Sagas of Bertie and Muriel

Impact of Experience

Bertie remained at Tuca's for a few days. She needed time to relax after recounting her past, or at least the parts of it she felt comfortable discussing. It'd felt good to get it off her chest, and hopefully someday, she'd be able to tell him more about her life. About the couple boyfriends she'd had in college and maybe even about the woman who changed her life.
It had been a long time since she'd felt as confident, and in control of her life as she'd been with her girlfriend in high school.

She'd shown her freedom, joy, a sense of self worth and confidence.
She was the first to show her that sex could be good, something to show love through pleasure, to bond.
Bertie had imagined them spending their entire life together, having a family, growing old together, but now she only ever saw her in indie film trailers, newspaper articles, and magazine covers. Till recently she still felt a little pang every time she read it. She thought she'd never love again, but then Speckle came into her life and her heartbreak faded into the past.

Months of therapy passed before she was able to feel connected to Speckle when they kissed, another month before she could see him in his underwear, and spent many more exploring each other, but avoiding penetrative sex.

Just over a year after her first therapy session she was ready to try and be fully intimate with him.

They had synced their vacation days so they could spend the week together; just relaxing and experiencing new things — including a trip to a couples spa, which Speckle enjoyed more than he thought he would.

The night they finally made love, Speckle made sure she felt safe, leaving the lights on, their bedroom door open and letting her have full control

Three months later, Bertie sat in the kitchen, anxiously checking the time. Why wasn't Speckle back yet? She checked her phone; No messages or calls. She briefly wondered if Tallulah had been too much for Tuca to deal with and ended up drinking. She hoped not. But if she did, then Speckle was probably taking them home — stopping every so often because god forbid someone dare throw up in their car. It would likely take another two to three hours if that was the case.

She got off the couch, went to the bedroom and crawled into the worn blue sheet, hugging her pillow. She wished Speckle were home. The day had been utter shit and she'd felt unsafe the entire time. Why did men have to be so horrible?

First the landlord sent that creepy guy to fix the sink and the creep had his own key! That lock was definitely getting changed tomorrow. She couldn't even go jogging without being looked at like an object, her coworker kept making lewd comments, then Pete... She couldn't hold the river back anymore and started sobbing into the pillow.
It brought back all of those memories from the lake. She'd been unable to say no, frozen up and let him intimidate her. Even worse, she'd said yes so she wouldn't lose her apprenticeship. She should have quit. She should have kicked him and ran, but she froze.
Those self-empowerment meetings were useless. It's one thing to be strong there, but something else entirely when it actually mattered.

She had already decided that she wasn't going to tell Speckle everything that happened. He didn't need to know how low she'd gone just to keep an apprenticeship. It would be enough for her to admit that he'd pushed her around.

She rolled to her side with a sigh. She'd just have to stick it out. Wait until she learned enough from him to open her own bakery and then quit.

She drifted off and soon began dreaming about Speckle. It quickly turned into a sexual dream, like many of her dreams about her boyfriend were. But as it progressed, Speckle disappeared and was replaced by Pete.
Pete told her that to him, she was different from any of the other women, she was special to him and for her, he'd change. He winked at her and she willingly kissed him and undressed and he put her on the table and laid croissants on her before eating them. He then pulled her so her hips were at the end of the table and began...