Intimate moments by eliesflowers on ao3 feat chaoter 4 created by city citrus

Capter 1 sounds pov by elisesflowers

As I walk past him I can't help thinking that I am so damn pathetic. Pathetic for not being able to get over him. Pathetic for still listening to the songs we called ours. Pathetic for holding on to hopes. Pathetic for holding on to memories. Pathetic for not being able to take my eyes off him.

* * *

"Baby, what are you up to?" My mom entered my room, knocking before she came in, but I was too busy sitting on the floor, listening to the music on my earphones, and looking at the photo album full of pictures of Win and myself.

The album contained pictures of us as babies eating ice cream, with our faces smeared in it, as well as pictures of our first day at school. There were many other photos of us together, at school, at home, in my room, his room, at the seaside, and in the park. We had been everywhere together because our mothers were best friends, and so were we.

"Oh," she added when she noticed what I was actually up to. I wiped away my tears and turned off the music.

"I'm fine," I lied.

She sat down on the floor and hugged me silently. I already knew what she was going to say and she knew it all too.

"It's gonna be fine, right? You will reconcile sooner or later. He can't be mad at you forever, can he?" She patted my back.

"I guess," I said quietly.

"Come downstairs?" she asked. "Dinner is ready."

"I'm not hungry."

"Oh please," she rolled her eyes and took the photo album away, closing it. "You can be mad at anyone, but you can't be mad at food, okay?" she asked. I knew this phrase by heart, but she was right. I should go and eat.

* * *

It is practically impossible to get over a heartbreak. Especially when you get rejected by your best friend, the person you grew up with, the person you would spend every day of your life with, otherwise you would feel incomplete. The person who could enter your house and your room without even knocking.

And now he is gone, and you have to learn to be alone all the time.

When people fall out they usually say that it feels like a part of them has been taken away from them. They feel empty without their loved one, be it a friend or a lover.

But when he left I felt like he took my life away with him, my whole world. Because he was and still is my whole world. I can't get used to my solitude no matter how hard I try.

So this is why I can't help but stare at him every time I see him and, at this point, I don't even care if I get caught. Because I have nothing to hide since he already knows about my feelings.

Sometimes I do wonder though, I wonder if he ever missed me. I wonder if he ever found himself puzzled in the middle of his room not knowing what to do because I wasn't there for him anymore, wasn't a part of his routine, wasn't a part of his plans, I wasn't a part of his life anymore. I wonder whether it was really that easy for him to walk out on me and pretend that I never existed.

Does he not miss me at all?

I exit the school. I can't stop thinking of the day I will exit this school for good.

I stopped talking to all of my friends, our friends. I guess they prefer your company more. I don't blame them. If I were them I would choose you too. I'm glad that you don't feel lonely. I'm glad that there are people that make you smile. And I don't blame you for not being as heartbroken as I am about the fact that we are not friends anymore. I'm glad you moved on.
...

I remember the day when I first felt something weird in my chest. I thought I was dying, so I told my mom that whenever I was near a certain person or just thought about them my heart would jump off my chest, sometimes my face felt too hot and I couldn't breathe properly. Maybe I was a little bit dramatic at that time. She laughed and told me not to worry. Because the kind of sickness I had was called 'Lovesick'. I told her it wasn't funny but she kept laughing and teasing me for a long time.

So I started avoiding Win. I stopped talking to him that much and I would make up any excuse so that he wouldn't come over to my house. He thought he had done something wrong, he tried to make it up to me. And I was so embarrassed because of my behavior, but instead of apologizing for it, I did the most idiotic thing I could have ever done. I pushed him away again.

I was scared of my feelings. I was scared about doing or saying something wrong so instead, I distanced myself from him. Of course, I didn't realize back then that my actions had hurt him too.

He was the one to come up to me and tell me how he'd felt about it, although I was in the wrong. How could I not love him? I thought. We talked everything through and reconciled and that was when I realized that I was so selfish. I didn't think about how my actions would affect him. I realized that my feelings should not ruin our friendship. That even if it hurt I should keep everything to myself. And that worked. For years I tried to drown my feelings and act like his best friend that I was. But as they say, you can't drown your demons because they know how to swim.