Shimmering beautiful (and when I break it's in a million pieces)

It keeps me awake, the look on your face

A/N: Title from "Only the young" by Taylor Swift

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?
Cursin' my name
Wishing I'd stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet

My tears ricochet- Taylor Swift (I can't help it all her songs are so wolfstar-coded)

Lupin residence. Thursday, July 15th, 1976. 12:03

Remus flipped himself on his back, kicking away the covers in frustration, biting his lip to muffle a groan of pain.

He had anticipated that this month's moon was going to be an especially horrible one but it was far worse than he was expecting, and 5 days later, he was still recovering, his body aching more than it usually does.

The fresh night air coming through his cracked window did nothing to calm him down as he angrily swiped the neckline of his ratty black T-shirt on his forehead, wiping away the sweat that had gathered.

He gave up all pretences of trying to sleep and hauled himself out of bed, his hands shaking as he rummaged through his trunk.

He pulled out a small box with a bright red light attached and made his way to the window, careful not to tread on the creaky spots in the floorboards.

He opened the window as wide as it went and popped a cigarette in his mouth, the light clicking on with shaky hands, the flame dancing in the night breeze.

Remus took a deep breath and blew the smoke out into the night sky, resting his head on the wall beside the window. Ever since the start of the summer break, he had been restless, a sense of impending doom looming over him.

His mother had tried conversing with him, and he felt horrible at his one-word responses, his annoyed tone and spending the last two weeks locked up in his room, only coming out for meals and to do his chores.

He couldn't tell her what had happened because she would freak out on him and tell his father. Remus Lupin does have a bit of self-preservation left, thank you very much.

Lyall would probably pull him out of Hogwarts and hunt down every single last one of his friends to obliviate them, anything to keep his dirty little secret from coming out.

Remus took another drag of the cigarette, his headache lessening the tiniest amount. He felt bad for the number of secrets he kept from his mother, part of the teen experience and all.

Remus breathed a humourless laugh into the night air, snuffing the butt of the cigarette out on the outside wall of their house.

He took another one out and lit it, taking another deep breath and blowing smoke out of his nose.

Ever since yesterday, he had a horrible feeling brewing in the pit of his stomach. He wondered if maybe Lyall had injured himself wherever he is right now.

He'd left on the day after the full moon, not bothering to wait for Remus to wake up and see him off. They had a huge fight about Remus' attitude in the first week of the summer break and Lyall had been giving him the cold shoulder since. Remus didn't really care.

He took another drag, the cigarette glowing in the barely lit room, the nicotine doing little to loosen that knot in his chest. His whole body was on edge as if someone was going to burst into his room any minute and tell him that everyone he loved had dropped dead and it was all his fault or something equally as horrible.

For a split second, his thoughts strayed to him and he glanced down to the paper basket sitting next to his bed, filled with crumpled-up pieces of paper.