Roommates with Benefits [18+ only]

13. It's not a date

I stared at the image in the mirror for a long, long minute. Normally, I don't take much time in getting dressed, even for special occasions. But I felt like I needed to make an effort. Lukas did make an effort, he dressed up, even cooked, prepared everything in detail ... I owe him at least something similar, right?

At the same time, however, part of me claimed I was only doing it out of a pure sense of inadequacy. Lukas has been with a lot of girls. A lot. Even though this is purely physical, the most insecure side of me couldn't help but compare and remind me what he said about my stretch marks.

"Come on, it's just sex, Tara, just sex." I muttered to myself. "It doesn't matter how he sees you and what he thinks. It's just sex." Besides, we live together, he's already seen me at my worst. The fact that he still finds me attractive would make a good case study for a psychology major.

I stared at my image in the mirror, in all her flawed glory. I shook my head almost immediately, and decided to get changed. I'd put on a dress. Me, in a dress. Ugh, I don't know what I was thinking. I never wear dresses, first because I hate them, then because I never look good in them.

Then again, I never look good in anything I wear. I grabbed the denim mini-skirt Kelly bought for me last year, and I tried to put it on, but of course, why would it fit? I guess I put on more than 10 pounds this summer.

Groaning loudly, I dropped onto the bed, exasperated. How come I don't usually have these many troubles finding what to wear? Right, I wear pretty much always the same things, just on rotation. Same jeans, same sweatpants, same t-shirts, pullovers, sweaters, and shirts that are of an extra size, just in case.

What was I thinking, trying to wear something tight, that would emphasize all my flab? I remained there, sitting on my bed, only underwear on, for a minute, trying to pull myself together, to keep my attention on the matter at hand instead of letting my insecurities win as usual.

"Are you alright in there?"

I nearly jumped when I heard Lukas from the other side of the door. I hadn't even heard him knock. "Uh ... yeah, I ..." I cleared my throat, "I'll be out in a few."

I didn't hear anything for a moment, so I thought he'd bought my small lie, but a few seconds later, much to my dismay, the door opened slightly, and his face appeared. "You haven't changed your mind, have you?" He let out a sarcastic laugh, but it was cut short when he realized I was in my underwear. I would have sworn he gulped, but I was probably imagining it.

Instinctively, I covered myself with my arms. "Uh ... no, I just need to ... I'll be there in a minute."

He remained staring at my chest for a long moment, then shook his head, as if to chase away a thought. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I just ... uh ... I haven't done laundry, so ..." that was such a lame lie.

Lukas didn't buy it, at all. He opened the door fully, and came over to me. That obviously allowed him to see all the clothes scattered around. My room is always a mess, but now with all those clothes over the floor and the bed, it looked like my wardrobe had just exploded.

"You know, up to me, you'd be fine just like that." Lukas mentioned, albeit not looking at me, his gaze falling on everything except me. Sitting down like that, pretty much naked, I bet he could see my fat rolls.

"In underwear?"

"I mean ... everything is coming off soon anyway." He turned to me just to wink, then looked away, as if whatever was outside the window was more interesting than the ultra-imperfect body he'd been so dead set on having until now.

Maybe he was changing his mind. After the weeks in the woods, he was hyper, undoubtedly horny, so much that even one like me could look attractive. It's what I would call hungover syndrome: they look hot as hell when you're drunk out of your mind, but in the morning you realize you hooked up with a sea lion. I would be the sea lion, of course.