Spinning Out

Chapter 25

JAINA

The doctors believe Nathan might be developing a clot in his leg. They are watching it closely and will take him down for a test later tonight. I can hear the information, but they will need his grandmother to give consent if it will require surgery. I leave the hospital early, not able to think straight or sit in that room as the nurses study his limb. It feels like every time we get closer to him being out of the woods, something puts us right back.

My Snap Chat feed is filled with my classmates practicing the graduation. I pull in late to the school. I haven't been here in days and can't bring myself to get out of my car. Nothing feels real here without him. This was supposed to be our time. Nathan and I should be laughing and making fun of the speeches being practiced. We should be texting each other from our folded metal chairs, talking shit about teachers we disliked or bullies that suddenly try to speak to everyone because their glory days are coming to an end.

I turn off the engine. From my car I can hear the crackle of the speaker. I close my eyes and lean my head back. A knock on my window startles me.

"Hey!" Jeni shouts from outside. She's been a classmate of our since first grade.

I roll down my window even though I'm not prepared to answer her questions. This is exactly why I don't want to go in.

"Hi," I say. I put on my best fake smile.

She's distracted for a minute by another student leaving. He shouts to her and she shouts something back. Would it be rude to roll my window back up?

"How's Nathan? We heard he's in a coma. People are saying his legs are broken." She winces as she says it.

I hate people.

"He's alive," I answer. I pause because I don't want to give anyone any information about him. His current status is on the tip of my tongue because it's one of the only things I think about.

"Is he going to wake up?" she asks.

"They don't know," I answer honestly.

"They've been sending your stuff up to the office. I aid there second period. I can bring it to you if you want," she offers.

"I don't need it," I say. The look on her face tells me she isn't expecting that.

"Ok...if you change your mind..."

"I have your info," I say with a smile.

I reach to the ignition and turn the car back on. That's enough of this for today. Jeni gets the hint and backs away from the car. I offer a small smile and a wave. I try not to make eye contact with anyone else as I flee the parking lot. When I am far enough away, I pull over in a shaded spot in the neighborhood and get on my phone. My Instagram feed is now all cars and car parts. It's my fake account and I've been working hard to post pictures that make it seem like I'm part of the lifestyle.

I spend two hours scrolling through accounts to try to find any sign of a car that could have been involved in our wreck. There are posts of wrecked cars, but mostly it's clear they can't be driven. The car that hit us was able to keep moving and fled the scene. It feels hopeless. No matter how determined I am to find the driver, it seems like a world I will never understand and could never know enough about.

I swipe up and clear my screen. My eyes hurt—my head hurts. I have been trying not to text Elijah to give him the time and space to handle whatever he needs to, but I worry about him. I also miss him.