When I met you

Part 2: Lost in Confusion

Is it better to live in blissful ignorance or to have love and lost? 

*Gasp* Freen sits up gasping for breathe, she clutches her heart as it it was causing her pain. 

"What's wrong?" murmured Kade, "Bad dream?" 

Freen turned her head to Kade confused as to why she was there because she remembered that she was at the airport. She looks at Kade and then her surroundings, she was back at her condo, the condo that she bought as an adult and with the familiar minimalistic decor decorated sparsingly around the living area. She was back, back to the night she was celebrating her resignation and new beginnings with her friends and back to being a woman. 

"I...I'm.. not..sure" Freen replied, trying to make sense of what she had just experienced --- which was a dream and which was reality? 

"Do you want to talk about it? It must have been bad? You were crying" said Jim. 

"um.. Oh.. I am?" Freen touched her cheeks and realized her cheeks are wet, "I don't know. Give me a few minutes... I'm...I don't know..."  Freen was so confused, she couldn't decipher whether her experience with Becky was all but a dream and if it was, why does her heart hurt so much, why did it feel so real, why did it feel like she had just lost a part of herself. She didn't even know how to explain it to her friends as they patiently sat around her and waited for her to gather herself. Freen tried to form words or even a coherent sentence but she couldn't stop her tears from falling. 

Kade, Tee, and Jim stayed for a few more hours until Freen calmed down but they couldn't make sense of the drastic change in Freen's emotion overnight and Freen didn't know how to explain. They left feeling helpless and had hoped that Freen would tell them when she is ready or at least be fine. 

The next few days weren't better for Freen, she was lost in her memories of Becky and determined to find out whether she had dreamt it all or in some unexplainable miracle she had went back in time and a Becky had existed. Freen searched all her high school year books and asked all her friends if they remembered a student named Becky, but to no avail, the name "Becky Armstrong" never existed. She hounded Kade for the news article that she had mentioned that night about someone name "Armstrong" had committed suicide, but Kade couldn't find the article anymore and she couldn't remember precisely whether the name was "Becky". Her friends didn't understand why Freen was so adamant with the name "Becky Armstrong" and they tried to help as much as they could. They only saw how depressed and sad Freen had gotten within the past week, it was as if all the brightness in Freen had diminish to a dull shell. Freen had lost weight and lost her positive glow. 

Heng was concerned but he too, was confused and hurt as to why Freen's attitude towards him completely changed. Freen wouldn't let him touch her at all; no kisses, no hand holding, and not even a hug. Freen was cordial and treated him like a polite stranger rather than a boyfriend of three years. He could only patiently wait for Freen to get over whatever it was she was feeling but he had a sense of foreboding that it may be an obstacle they couldn't get over as a couple. 

[Freen's thoughts]

Becky. Are you real? I am going crazy. I have so many memories of our time together that it can't be a dream. If it isn't a dream than where are you? Are you somewhere in this world? How do I find you? Should I find you? 

If you were but a dream then I need to let you go. I need to face reality, oh why does it seem so distasteful to me. I miss you so much. Was it fate for me to meet you but destiny to lose you?  

It is too cruel to show me such happiness, only to snatch it away from me. 

I'm so lost as to what to do. 

Please universe give me a sign.

And the universe works in funny ways, it may not answer in time but it will answer.