The Boy with the Scrambled Mind

Memento mori

There's something marvelous and yet naive about youth, you feel like you can do anything when you're young. Nothing is impossible even something as inconsequential as a box feels like a spaceship you can sail through the galaxy with just the power of your imagination. Then as you get older you suddenly lose that sense of fun that sense of wonder. You got bills to pay kids to feed housework to do a job and then you have a realization, you suddenly remember those days fondly wishing you could be a kid again. Then you reflect on where do the days go where do the weeks go the months the years? It seems like it all blends together in your mind. And you remember all of the great people you met in your life for one reason or another you had to leave behind. You miss them deeply and wonder what they're up to and wish that you could have been friends with them still or at least get one last moment with them, just a moment to quell the yearning in your heart for them. You can't let go because you still love them with all your heart. Sometimes I wonder what is she up to, then I remember that in the endless void she is gone. She cut her life short and left me behind to deal with all of the pain she had, I wonder why it had to be me. But I'm honestly glad it was me this pain is too much to shoulder at times and I couldn't imagine anyone else having to hold this pain in their heart for this long. And one day I'll join her in the void, all of us will we'll lose our sense of self, our individuality what makes us unique and special as people. We'll return to where we came from, just a blank nothingness. Death is the ultimate equalizer whether you're black, white, native, Asian, gay, straight, bi, rich or poor or what dirt you were born on, ultimately none of that matters. We'll all have to face our end one day and I can't seem to accept that fact, death and pain both don't scare me at all it's what happens after death that truly terrifies me. The unknown the feeling of helplessness knowing there isn't anything anyone can do for you anymore once you've passed on. None of this is radical or new it's just my perspective and feelings on the matter. I guess these writings exist so that for once in my life I won't be misunderstood so I can pass on peacefully with no regrets, no misunderstandings, and no words I wanted to say are left unsaid.