Freefall

Part 4

"Ugh why is it so hard for me to write a decent sentence!?" I exclaimed while aggressively shutting my laptop on which I was trying to write. "How hard could it be?" Extremely hard it seemed.

It had been two weeks since I went clubbing with Lola and Pierre and my writing hadn't improved. After dinner with my friends that day i had decided to lock myself up in my apartment to give writing my all for one last time before asking for help.

"I give up." I said to myself. I had to accept I just couldn't do it on my own anymore. It was time to go to a professional who could help me get rid of this stupid writers block.

The rest of the afternoon I researched and called people who would be able to help me until I finally found a woman who resonated with me. The rest of the coaches either talked like I was a child or were so cold that I was seriously doubting whether they even wanted to help people with their writers block in the first place. Fortunately the woman I decided to go with, Sarah, offered online sessions to figure out the problem together. Since she was located in the south of France and I lived in Monte Carlo.

A few days later I had my first appointment and coaching session with Sarah. I started out with telling her a bit about myself and my problem. And after an hour she concluded I was stuck in my usual day to day life. I was so stuck in my own world, it had become extremely difficult to write from another perspective. So Sarah had advised me to switch my day to day up a bit and see if I noticed a difference. And we would call again in a week to talk through my improvements or lack there of.

Unfortunately it was now a week later and the latter applied to me. I had tried to write at different times, places and about other people. But nothing had worked so far. The only thing it had resulted in was a fucked up sleep schedule and me being frustrated with everyone and everything.

Time and money was running out. I had to figure something out. I had told Pierre a little bit about my struggle to write but hadn't gone into detail. I know he would've offered money if he knew I desperately needed it, but that was the last thing I wanted.

"Okay so how has the last week been Alora?" Sarah asked kindly while FaceTiming on my laptop. "Honestly, it's been far from great. I tried switching my routine up as much as possible like you told me. But I feel like I'm still stuck in my old routine and I can't seem to escape it. I don't know what else to do." I said as I felt the despair in my voice.

I felt my breathing getting quicker, more shallow and my palms began sweating. Sarah was in deep thought and didn't seem to notice thankfully. I saw Sarah's mouth move but couldn't hear what she was saying anymore so I just slowly nodded my head hoping it would be enough. I had to get myself under control. But I still couldn't hear anything. Sarah was still talking when I asked her to excuse me for a moment.

I didn't wait for her answer, as I wouldn't be able to even hear it, and turned my camera off. I tried standing up but all I saw was black and quickly sat back down. Shit. I tried standing up again this time gripping the back of my chair. Miraculously I made my way to the kitchen in a few shaky steps. Searching the kitchen counter with my hands I found the faucet and turned it on. I quickly placed my wrists under the icy cold running water and slowly saw my hands appearing before me. Good it was working. It was a little trick I had learned from my therapist when I was a child to stop panic attacks. I felt the fog in my head clear up and my breathing became steady again. I took a couple more deep breaths before returning to my computer.

"So sorry about that. I was baking and forgot to turn my oven off." I quickly lied while turning my camera back on. "Oh no problem at all. I hope whatever you were baking didn't burn too much." Sarah replied. "I'm afraid the cookies didn't make it." I chuckled thankful she didn't notice my heavy breathing from before.

"I was thinking while you tried to save the cookies and I might have one last strategy that could possibly help you. Do you happen to have some family or friends living abroad or in a different area with whom you could stay for a little while?"

~~~

"Hey Pierre. Have I told you lately how much I love you?" I said while smiling. "Oh god, what's wrong?" Pierre immediately asked voice laced with suspicion. "Oh nothing nothing. But I might have found a way for us to not have to say goodbye in a few days." "What the hell are you talking about. You do know that the racing season starts in a few days, right? Oh my god! Are you going to kidnap me so I won't leave? Honestly I feel honored. Not many people can say they are so loved by their best friend that they would get kidnapped just because the best friend can't live without them." Pierre began rambling.

"Sometimes I truly wonder how your brain works. Like honestly Pierre, are you okay?" I chuckled at the absurd words I just heard Pierre spew out. "So you won't kidnap me?" Pierre asked now even more suspicious than before. I feel like he should be relieved that I won't kidnap him but in some twisted way it makes Pierre even more suspicious. Well that's Pierre Gasly for you I guess.

"You know how I've been struggling with writing for a bit right?" I asked him. "Well you rarely talk about it, but yes I had my suspicions." Pierre replied. "Well a week ago I finally got a professional coach to help me through my writers block. She recommended I change my day to day life and routine to get out of the rut I've been in lately. So I tried to switch up everything I could the past week but unfortunately it wasn't enough. So when I asked her what the next step would be she advised me to get out of my apartment and see if I could stay with friends or family for a while. You know in some other area. But as you know staying with family is not an option for me. And we'll your my best friend..." I rambled suddenly feeling anxious.

"First I want to say I'm so incredibly proud of you for finally asking for help. But I'm afraid I'm not catching on with what you're trying to say." I don't know someone as smart as Pierre could sometimes be so clueless. But it honestly made me love him even more.

"I was thinking about maybe coming with you for a few races." I said chuckling. It was quiet for a few moments while I saw Pierre processing what I'd just told him. He suddenly jumped up from his chair with his mouth wide open.

"You're kidding!" He said still in disbelief. "Actually please don't tell me you're kidding I want to soak in this moment for a few more minutes before I wake up from my dream." "I'm telling you the truth. But only if you would have me." I said suddenly feeling shy. Maybe I was intruding by inviting myself. But before I could backtrack Pierre began speaking again.

"Of course I will have you silly! I've been trying for years to get you to travel with me. I love staying here during my winter break but I would love it so much more if I could finally show you all the tracks and meet the other drivers." He said with the widest grin i had ever seen spread across his face. He started jumping up and down again. "Oh my god it's finally happening. After all these years of begging you, it's finally happening." He said in disbelief. "I'm so excited I can't wait! I want to show you everything!"

And I'm that moment my heart grew with love for my best friend. I told him years ago I got overstimulated really quickly by big groups of people. I tried to go to every simulator practice he had and watched all his practices, qualifications and races on my tv. But in all the years I had only dared once to set foot on the track. It ended with me having a severe panic attack and Pierre qualifying really badly because he was consumed with worry. So I vowed I wouldn't put him in that situation again. But this time it would be different. He wouldn't have to worry about me.

"But Alora, are you sure this is what you want?" Pierre asked worry lacing his voice. "I'm sure Pierre. The last time I tried was years ago and I'm way better with crowds now. Besides I want to support my best friend from the pits. I want to hear you brag about your results after every race. I want to be there to celebrate you after your first podium of the season." I said with a smirk followed by a wink.

~~~

Hi guys! Sorry it took me a few days to get this chapter online, but I was dealing with some personal stuff. I know these first few chapters are a bit boring but I feel they are needed to ease into the story. Hope you all had a great week and happy holidays for those who celebrated :)